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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26491372">inching closer (to you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dickiedisaster/pseuds/dickiedisaster'>dickiedisaster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Owl House (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Amity Blight Needs a Hug, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Disaster Amity Blight, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Medium Burn, Mental Health Issues, Oblivious Luz Noceda, POV Amity Blight, Past Abuse, Useless Lesbian Amity Blight, Useless Lesbians</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:41:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26491372</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dickiedisaster/pseuds/dickiedisaster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Amity is a distracted, distraught college student. She hardly gets a moment to breathe by herself, all her energy sapped from her by the people that consider themselves to be her friends, or even family. She's struggling to get by each day. That is, until she met the girl with the fluffy brown hair, the patient brown eyes that she couldn't look away from. Luz seemed to replenish her motivation, to bring out the light in her, even when she felt her worst. She never realized how much she felt for the childish, immature girl, until she couldn't have her anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Or, in which, Amity is severely depressed (and abused), trying to hide her massive crush, and Luz is an oblivious, over-protective idiot.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amity Blight/Luz Noceda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>508</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is my first fic so enjoy the ride bayhbee, I love bringing emotional torment to the characters I'm writing :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Amity was sprawled out on a comfortable red leather couch, one hand dangling off the side of the cushion, brushing against the carpet. The other was holding up the book she was reading. It was one of the Azura Good Witch books, a series she had read cover to cover dozens of times.</p><p>She was at the public library, a place she considered to be her safe space. Hushed voices, the sounds of children running around unwatched and keyboard buttons clacking mingled around the girl, along with the almost calming scent of lemon furniture cleaning spray. She had been in the same position for hours now, and was reaching the end of the book she'd been occupying herself with. Sighing, she shut the book with an almost satisfying <em>thump</em>, preparing for the great debate on which to read next.</p><p>It was a late afternoon on a Sunday, somewhere deep into autumn. The trees outside the incredibly sized window had long since turned flaming shades of red, orange and yellow, the colours blurring together in an aesthetically pleasing way. If her thoughts didn't interrupt her constantly, she could've spent hours watching the leaves fall from the dying line of trees. Nevertheless, her thoughts began to catch up with the peaceful opportunity and her head began working again, conspiracy theories about the Azura series hitting her skull full force, regardless of the fact that she'd already finished the series and knew how everything was going to go down with the Great Witch Dual with Hectate.</p><p>But that didn't stop her from fantasizing. When she reached the isle the books were located, a girl was blocking them from her view. The girl had fluffy short cut brown hair and a soft body frame, and Amity almost mistook her for a child. Especially since the purple and white hoodie the kid wore had very visible fabric cat ears poking out of it. Rolling her eyes, she tried to push past the stranger, however the girl stood as if cemented into the ground. "Whoa, I'm sorry!" The girl said, her voice rushed and apologetic. Amity shook her head. "Move over, I need to put this back." Amity snapped, waving the book in the air.</p><p>The girls' eyes lit up, and she snatched the book from Amity's grasp. "An Azura fan?!" The girl practically <em>yelled</em> in Amity's face, and she took a step back. "Uh, yeah? And what of it?" Amity said, her voice strong and confident, something her mother had taught her to do before their relationship had gone sour. The stranger extended her arm out to Amity. "I'm Luz Noceda, and I think we're about to be good friends." She wanted so badly to ignore the outstretched hand, to hit it and run away screaming.</p><p>But, from a young age it had been burned into her head to always respect others'. She groaned, grabbing the outstretched hand with disdain. "Amity. Amity Blight." Luz cracked a huge, enthusiastic grin. And then, the girl would <em>not</em> leave her alone. Amity tried to turn and leave after claiming the next book in the series, but Luz gave chase, her mouth blabbering on and on about the books.</p><p>Amity tried to block it out, but bits and pieces of the conversation Luz seemed to be having with herself kept slicing through Amity's train of thought. When Amity reclaimed her spot on the puffy red leather cushions, the girl dropped down beside her, extremely close to Amity. Too close. Amity turned to Luz and let out a defeated sigh.</p><p>"Hey," She said and Luz snapped to attention. "Yeah?" The girl asked, her voice cool and smooth, as if she hadn't been talking Amity's ear off for the past eleven minutes. "If I give you my phone number, will you promise to leave me alone?" Amity regretted the words the moment they left her lips, because Luz shot up. "Yeah! Pinky promise?" Luz offered her hand, but Amity ignored it, instead pulling her phone out of her pocket. After a process that took far too long, due to Luz <em>constantly</em> losing attention, Amity received a message.</p><p><em><strong>(5:49 PM) UNKNOWN</strong></em>: <em>hello is this amity blight pls say yes i've texted like seven random people</em></p><p>Amity couldn't help the smile that threatened to spread across her face as she read the words that scrawled across her screen. "Yeah, that one is me." Amity said, looking up at Luz. Luz grinned. "You're supposed to answer it over text, dummy." The girl shrugged.</p><p>"<em>O-okay</em>, guess I'm just gonna leave now!" Luz said, though she began walking away at a turtles pace. Amity did not object like how she assumed Luz wanted her to, instead opting to open the book from the front page and start reading. Luz made a sound of betrayal. "Are you gonna stop me?" The brown haired girl pouted. "No." Amity said, though a faint smile played on her lips. "Oh, that's cruel." Luz continued walking further into the library, exiting Amity's sight.</p><p>Her phone began buzzing against the mahogany that lined the glass table in front of her. She picked it up and turned it over.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>INCOMING CALL FROM: UNKNOWN CALLER</strong> </em>
</p><p>Amity knew for certain who this was. She answered the phone and Luz began talking. "So, I was thinking maybe you'd let me come back over because my mom isn't gonna pick me back up until like, seven, and I'm bored." Amity hung up. She could hear a faint sound from behind a few book racks that sounded like a shocked gasp.</p><p>Her phone began buzzing again, and she looked at where the sound had come from and pressed the end call button. Another annoyed sound came from behind the shelves, and then her phone started blowing up with messages. All from an unknown number. So, she did what any reasonable person would do, and powered her phone off. Luz would never even know.</p><p>If you thought that would be the end of it, you thought wrong.</p><p>Luz must've realized she wouldn't be seeing her messages, because it became some sort of a game for her. Amity wouldn't lie, she sort of played along. Luz would find new ways of trying to communicate with Amity from a distance, need it be either playing with puppets, pelting Amity after she she no longer paid enough attention to what Luz was trying to get across, writing things on blank printer quality and throwing them rather aggressively at Amity, halfheartedly shaped into disgustingly deformed airplanes, or even, at some point, just shouting at Amity.</p><p>Amity tried not to let Luz know how much she was enjoying this, though it was hard to hide the ridiculous smile that crept across her lips. But then, Luz gave up and sat down on the carpeted section of the library, about twenty feet away from Amity.</p><p>"My mom is gonna be here in a few minutes. Are we gonna see eachother again?" Luz asked, sounding childish. "You're acting like you're seven years old at a playground. Or, like, in a McDonalds playpen."</p><p>Amity wouldn't know what that was like, as her parents never let her so much as glance at McDonalds, instead opting for higher quality dine-ins, constantly.</p><p>A true pity that Amity had <em>crippling </em>anxiety and could never enjoy a packed fancy restaurant the way her parents did.</p><p>"Maybe I <em>am</em> seven. It's not like you've asked my age, you know." She was playing with her shoe laces, which kept distracting Amity. "Luz, understand that while this has been fun," Luz gasped at Amity's admittance. Amity tried to explain this in the nicest way possible. "I don't know if we'll-" Luz cut her off by raising her index finger.</p><p>"I just realized I can easily convince you into doing stuff with me. I have your number, Blight. I can annoy my way into <em>anything</em>." She beamed excitedly. "Anyway, mamá is outside and I'd hate to keep her waiting. Thanks for playing with me, Amity!" Luz said, shooting Amity a wink and bouncing up, dashing away, her feet hardly hitting the ground. And Amity was left in silence that she could no longer enjoy blissfully. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Winter Weather //with you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Amity?" The sound spilled through the speakers, and Amity had to try to stop herself from shaking before she could reply. "H-hey, Luz." She said, biting her lip. "Do you want to get lunch?"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Amity had all but forgotten about the little break she had received that warm fall evening with Luz. It had been months since she had seen the bubbling girl, and they only rarely exchanged texts. </p><p>And by default, that meant Amity would rarely reply. She would receive at least a hundred texts from Luz a week, whether it be simple things like goodmorning texts, which made Amity smile, or occasionally it would be tiktok videos or memes that she would always feel the need to smash her keyboard over. </p><p>She wouldn't lie, she loved to wake up to messages that weren't just Bosca telling her how well practice had gone. Amity wasn't going to complain about Bosca, but she felt drained anytime they were in the same room, like Bosca was a leech, sucking dry at Amity's mental health. </p><p> </p><p>She rolled over, struggling to pull herself from the semi comatose state she had forced herself into by taking a few too many melatonin the night prior. In an attempt to stimulate her brain back into working, she turned her phone on, lazily answering messages. </p><p>There was an absurd amount of texts and emails from her mother, demanding an answer as to why Amity didn't show for the party her parents had thrown. Amity had no actual excuse, but she could pass herself off by saying she had accidentally spent the whole night studying. </p><p>Her phone buzzed from a message from Bosca. </p><p> </p><p><b><em>(</em></b><em>12:45 PM) </em><b><em>BITCH:)</em></b><em> (bosca)</em> <em>wrote: Hey! Are you coming to practice tonight? </em></p><p><em> (12:46 PM) </em> <b> <em>Amity </em> </b> <em> wrote: </em></p><p>
  <em> no, not tonight, bosca </em>
</p><p>
  <em> just don't feel up to it </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm sorry?  </em>
</p><p><em>(12:57 PM) </em><b><em>BITCH:) </em></b><em>(bosca)</em> <em>wrote: </em></p><p>
  <em> You haven't been to the past 3. Don't make me tell your parents  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Amity ignored that message, closing out of Instagram. She had multiple messages from Luz, <em>already</em>.  </p><p><em>(10:37 AM)</em> <b><em>Idiotic Child </em></b><em>(luz noceda) wrote: </em></p><p>
  <em> HI I JUST WOKE UP AND DECIDED IT WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO MESSAGE YOU  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> (10:45 AM) </em> <b> <em>Idiotic Child </em> </b> <em> (luz noceda) wrote:  </em></p><p>
  <em> am I bothering you? I can stop messaging you  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> you never answer  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> aren't you even awake?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> don't you have school at like seven a.m  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> oh wait it's saturday  </em>
</p><p><em> (11:07 AM) </em> <b> <em>Idiotic Child (</em> </b> <em> luz noceda) wrote:  </em></p><p>
  <em> amity if u dont answer me ill commit tax evasion  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I swear my mamá's taxes have never looked so delectable.  </em>
</p><p><em> (12:34 PM) </em> <b> <em>Idiotic Child (</em> </b> <em> luz noceda) wrote:  </em></p><p>
  <em> are you awake yet?  </em>
</p><p>(1:03<em> PM) </em> <b> <em>Amity </em> </b> <em> wrote:  </em></p><p>
  <em> goodmorning, luz </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Luz responded immediately by calling Amity, and she panicked momentarily, accidentally picking up the phone. </p><p>"Hi, Amity! I'm about to take King out for a walk, but I thought I might as well correct your message and say good <em> afternoon </em>." </p><p>Amity shook her head. </p><p>"Luz, you never fail to annoy me." She said, rolling her eyes as she climbed out of bed. She set her phone down on her desk and opened the curtains, walking over to her dresser and grabbing her hair band. </p><p>"How has your week been?" She asked, trying to make casual conversation as she prepared for the day. </p><p>"Oh, you know. The usual." Amity could clearly tell that Luz was trying to play smooth, and utterly failing. </p><p>"Fantastic. Now, where is the real Luz Noceda." Amity joked, and she could hear the warm sound of Luz giggling. "Well, my week started with King puking on my carpets after he had too much to eat because Mamá thought she would feed him for m…" </p><p>•</p><p> </p><p>The air outside was close to frigid, December slowly creeping up on Amity. </p><p>She always hated winter, a burning childhood memory haunted the snowy season for the girl. </p><p>Luz had begged for her to come over persistently, but Amity had decided today would be a perfect day for a run. </p><p>She was wearing a loose fitting sweater, tucked into a pair of comfortable pants. Her sweater had a pumpkin hand embroidered into it, something one of her old friends had made for her. </p><p>She put in headphones and double checked that the lock was clicked correctly shut, before turning and beginning her walk. </p><p>If she ever wanted to overcome the feeling of dread that came with the cold weather, she would have to suck it up and find new memories to associate to the grey days, the days where the sun didn't show through for even a breath. </p><p><em> But not yet, </em> she thought mildly, rubbing her arm limply. </p><p> </p><p><em> "Amity, darling. You're a Blight. This kind of behavior is unacceptable." </em>Her father's voice echoed through her head, making her want to grab fistfuls of her hair and rock back and forth. </p><p> </p><p><em> "Why can't I go play with them?" </em>Her voice was so small, terrified and shaky. </p><p>
  <em> "Do not question my authority, or I'll have to put you in your place."  </em>
</p><p>Amity was close to hyperventilating, a surge of voices mingled with her quiet, scared tears, her hand frantically grabbing at the cloth of her sleeve. She could still feel the belt hit against her, hear the way she cried. The way her father left her on the living room floor to sob herself to sleep. </p><p>She needed to distract herself, but she didn't know how. So, she did what anyone would do in her situation. She called the immature, childish girl she met in the library a few months ago. </p><p> </p><p>Luz didn't respond immediately, but Amity didn't want to give up hope because she knew that if she looked down from her screen, she would retch up her breakfast. </p><p>Luz finally answered, confusion hanging in the silent static between them.</p><p>"Amity?" The sound spilled through the speakers, and Amity had to try to stop herself from shaking before she could reply. "H-hey, Luz." She said, biting her lip. "Do you want to get lunch?" </p><p>There was the sound of rapid shuffling, like Luz was throwing the phone.  Then, the sound of something sniffing the phone. </p><p><em> "King!" </em>Luz groaned, her voice muffled in the background. There was more shuffling, static and the sound of what Amity assumed to be dog teeth dragging across the phone screen. </p><p>"Sorry! King is a <em>bitch</em>, stole my phone." She said, and Amity could tell that Luz was glaring at her pet. </p><p>She had seen an image of the black lab before, a small thing with a bouncy black body and the unmistakable markings of a skull across his face and ears. </p><p>"Lunch?" Luz confirmed, thought it sounded more like a question. </p><p>•</p><p> </p><p>Amity was anxiously pacing outside the diner, a place she had never been before, but Luz had insisted on. She could see Luz before Luz could see her, and the girl was wearing the same hoodie as she last saw her in, the hood pulled up. She was wearing gloves and a scarf that appeared to be hand knitted an she had what appeared to be red, purple and black marker prints all over her face, and Amity decided not to question them. </p><p>When Luz finally met eye contact, the girl lit up. </p><p>"Hi! Amity!" Luz beamed. "I was gonna invite Willow and Gus, but I don't think you're ready for that, yet." Luz explained. "Who's- Know what? Nevermind." She said, shaking her head, and Luz smiled. "Okay, uh, lunch?" </p><p>Amity looked at her for a long moment, before poking her hand at the diner. </p><p>"<em> No, </em> I just <em> decided </em> to invite you out to eat but not actually <em> eat. </em>" Amity deadpanned. Luz looked down at her shoes, and for a moment, Amity almost debated apologizing. But she didn't, because she hardly knew the girl in front of her, and in retrospect, Luz wasn't worth an apology. </p><p><em> Yet, </em> her brain said against her will, and she forced the thought away. </p><p>"Shall we?" Luz asked awkwardly, shooting Amity two finger guns. </p><p>Amity rolled her eyes. </p><p>Luz rocked back on her heels, staring at Amity with wide eyes filled with wonder. For a moment, Amity wished she knew what happened inside Luz's head, before she realized it didn't matter and brushed it off. The girl grabbed Amity's wrist, her fingers curling around it and she began physically <em> dragging </em>Amity into the building. She duly noted that Luz's fingers were calloused and two bracelets hung loosely from her wrist. Her hands were still soft, thought. Incredibly soft, warm brown skin that contrasted greatly with Amity's light skin. </p><p>Although there was a sign that said <em> Wait For Seating, </em> Luz just blew right past it, claiming the window booth that was closest to the entrance. </p><p>She let her hand drop to her side, before pulling herself into the booth and looking up at the green haired girl.</p><p>"Are you gonna sit, or just, like, stand there like a lost dog?" Luz joked, smiling boldly and Amity flushed, much more gracefully sitting down across from Luz. </p><p>"So," Luz said, tilting her head just enough so that strands of dark brown hair fell into her face. "Why the sudden change of plans?" </p><p>"Oh, uh. Yeah." Amity cringed at her words, but Luz just laughed. "O-kay, guess that's answer enough." </p><p>Amity glanced out the window, and her breath caught in her throat. </p><p><em> "You'll never be enough to make it big," </em>Her mother. </p><p>
  <em> Shit.  </em>
</p><p>"Why are you being so quiet, you quite literally pleaded with me to get me to come here." Luz glanced at her. "Ah, this place brings back memory. Once, when I came here with just Willow, we ordered ramen but the ramen was way too spicy, even though I specifically asked that it wasn't spicy because it was like, world's hottest pepper kind of spice, and I can withstand a lot of spice but Willow can <em> not </em> and so Willow was like, drinking down gallons of milk and her face was all red and flustered and I was sitting there and the only rational thought that was going through my head was maybe, just <em> maybe, </em>Willow wanted a worm on a string. </p><p>Safe to say, she did not."</p><p>Amity laughed. "Why did you just <em>have </em>one? Like, on hand?" Luz's eyes widened, and she reached into her pocket. "I always do. You never know, right?" And then, the girl proceeded to place a handful of colourful worms on the table. "What the fuck, Luz." Amity said, shaking her head with a laugh bubbling up in her chest.</p><p>The conversations just melted into place after that, the memories quickly getting drained out by the sound of Luz's voice.</p><p>Something warmed inside of Amity, and she knew it <em> wasn't </em>gonna be good. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will either be updating this rapidly or you won't see me again for a week</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Restless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Goodnight, Luz." She said softly, her voice hardly above a whisper.<br/>She hung up the phone, and proceeded to accidentally pass out right there, in the driver seat of her car.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Amity woke up in a cold sweat, her breathing raspy, lungs feeling like steel. She had had another nightmare, or as her therapist liked to call them, attack. </p>
<p>The room was dark, the alarm clock blinking <em> 3:14 AM </em>in bold red letters. Amity groaned, her eyebrows knitting together. </p>
<p>She shook herself out of the trap of blankets, standing up on shaking legs. Trying to calm her nerves, she grabbed the bed frame to right herself, catching her breath in slow waves. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She grabbed her phone off the nightstand, but quickly realized she had forgotten to plug it in and the screen remained unreactive to her clicking the power button. She let out a frustrated sigh, throwing the phone down on the bed, struggling with the charger to get it to slide into the charging port. </p>
<p>After a minute of struggling, the phone made a <em> bling </em>sound to conclude that it was charging. She dropped it onto her pile of pillows and turned to face her dark room. She had a nightlight plugged in above her dresser, the shape of a yellow bulb. It sent out a low, yellow glow to the effective areas, though most of the room remained draped in a black cloak of night. </p>
<p>She knew she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep anytime soon, so she instead opted to take a shower to try and clear her thoughts. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She ended up spending two hours in the shower, staying until the water was too cold for her body to adapt to anymore. </p>
<p>She felt if she had constant butterflies in her stomach, unsettling her and making her feel slightly nauseous. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She ran a towel against her hair, fluffing out to the best of her ability. The dye had been fading faster than usual, and her roots were showing through farther than they were supposed to. She thought about buying another box of dye, but decided against it. If it faded, it faded. Her mother wasn't around enough to enforce that she dye it constantly, so why bother? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She loosely tugged on an outfit that did not, in any way, shape or form, match together. A fuzzy purple long sleeved shirt that had a witch hat on it and a pair of orange open bottom pyjama pants. She looked like a homeless person with her eyeliner running down her cheeks and her hair sticking out in every direction, but she didn't have anymore fucks to give. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She padded out of the cramped bathroom and into the kitchen, serving herself a bowl of froot loops and then returning to the black hole that was her bedroom. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She flicked the lights on, the violent hues of yellow that blasted from the bulbs above the door hurting her temples. </p>
<p>She was going to have a pulsing headache in class tomorrow. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>God hated her, but she didn't care anymore. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She set her cereal down on her nightstand and flopped into bed, burying herself in her comforter and pulling open the top drawer of the small black dresser. A row of her Azura books were neatly tucked against each other, along with dozens of discarded papers, notes and sketchbooks that she'd never touch again. She didn't understand why her brain wouldn't let her throw them out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She grabbed the fourth book in the series, turning it open to a random page and reclaiming her bowl of brightly coloured sugar circles. </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p>She must've been reading for hours by the time her alarm clock went ballistic, almost buzzing itself off the surface in a final act of self destruct. Amity pulled her gaze up, checking the time with dismay. It was already seven. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She groaned and closed the book, letting out a frustrated groan. </p>
<p>"I don't <em> wanna.. </em>" She muttered to herself, sounding like an angry child that couldn't get their way. </p>
<p>She grabbed her phone, pulling it off the charger and tossing it onto her dresser, pulling out a more suitable outfit for the day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She decided on a plain white T, silver jeans tucked into her black boots and a puffy purple coat. She brushed her hair out while humming a song to herself, trying to rush to escape being late again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She never <em> missed </em> her classes, just rarely made it to them on time. She constantly got distracted by things going on around her, and occasionally it was just because her broken alarm clock didn't go off as it was supposed to. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She checked her phone briefly, scrolling through her feed page on Instagram for a few moments, before pushing the power button and shoving the black rectangle into her coat pocket. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grabbing her keys, she set off for the day in far less of a hurry she should've been in. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was late for her class, <em> again. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p>School was draining, as always. And it didn't help that Amity had barely had a wink of sleep, and almost passed out multiple times during lectures. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometimes, she got on her <em> own </em>nerves. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was sitting at a booth in a coffee shop, her head buried behind her arms as she contemplated the meaning of life. She had ordered a fancy drink, but couldn't muster the strength to drink it. </p>
<p>She needed to sleep, but she feared the memories that would play behind her eyelids. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>At times like these, hypnosis seemed like a fantastic idea. </p>
<p>She groaned, defeated as she lifted her head weakly. If she could just drink her coffee, she would be okay. But she could barely muster enough strength to lift her index finger.  </p>
<p>Her phone buzzed, which spooked her out of her current state of dismay. </p>
<p>She huffed something under her breath and lifted the phone up, unlocking the screen. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> (4:15 PM) </em> <b> <em>Idiotic Child </em></b><em>(Luz Noceda) wrote:</em></p>
<p>
  <a href="https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJDhkDWu/">
    <em>
      <span>https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJDhkDWu</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>you but its @ me</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Amity snorted, and then, before she lost the stroke of motivation, she grabbed her drink and brought it to her mouth, taking a long sip of the boiling liquid. </p>
<p>"Hot!" She said involuntarily, having to struggle to keep her mouth shut. She swallowed it quickly and her throat screamed, though she simply chose to ignore the burning sensation that filled her mouth. She had a feeling the coffee was out to kill her, and her suspicions had been confirmed. </p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p>She had taken a quick power nap, no more than thirty minutes before her body involuntarily ripped her from her sleep. </p>
<p>She had dozens of messages from her parents, as they had received news that she had been late to class today. She pretended to not see them, instead setting her phone face down on her nightstand and pulling her boots back on. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had accidentally slept with her hair up, and it was a mess. Upon trying to correct it, she further lost the hairband to the sea of green hair. In the end, she had to rip out a bunch of her hair to get the band out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She combed through her hair, sitting down on her bed and scrolling through her emails as she brushed the unkempt strands. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Luz had sent her at least a dozen messages, though most were unintelligible. Amity would never understand how Luz could look at her keyboard, thinking a sane<em> (?) </em> thought, and then proceed to send a message that simply read <em> "Egg6, be prepared."  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>But, then again, Amity didn't understand most of what Luz did. The girl was of questionable sanity. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's Monday." She said aloud, working her voice out of the sleepy coarseness. She had heaps of homework to get complete before she fell back into exhaustion. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pulled out her laptop, cringing at how bright the screen was to her unadjusted eyes. </p>
<p>7:30 PM, already. This was going to be fun. </p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>It was eleven P.M before Amity decided to take a break, and she still wasn't anywhere near completion. Her drawer of Azura books beckoned to her, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to stop reading once she had started. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Instead, she decided she was going to go out for a midnight drive, because she could hold more control over how long she would be out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The road was all but empty, the only other cars in sight being ones that were either a bunch of kids presumably coming back from a party, or those that were already parked in driveways. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The city her college was in was huge, and she would never get over how calming it was to drive down roads she'd never taken before. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was hard to get lost, her brain mentally marking every turn with a quick route back home, in case she needed to bolt. The wheels in her head worked in strange ways. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Exhaustion was chewing away at her, though she had long since blown past the ability to feel it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her car began to <em> loudly </em>speak to her, and it practically scared the hell out of her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<b>INCOMING CALL FROM IDIOTIC CHILD. PRESS SELECT TO ACCEPT.</b>"</p>
<p>Confused, she selected the accept button. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Silence.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was the calm sound of someone breathing, and Amity realized that Luz was sleeping. The girl must've accidentally called her in her sleep. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And yet, Amity couldn't bring herself to hang up. The sound of Luz's breath seemed to calm Amity's nerves, forcing her into a relaxed state. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Mgrmlhe," Luz mumbled incoherently, and Amity grinned. </p>
<p><em> She talks in her sleep </em>, Amity noted with a scoff. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Amity didn't want to stop the car, in fear that the sound would accidentally wake the sleeping girl. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Instead, she accidentally found herself driving two hours aimlessly while listening to Luz move around in her sleep. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually, however, she had to stop driving. She was <em> tired. </em>Scarily tired. She felt as if she would crash the car if she continued to drive. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pulled into her driveway and looked at the roof of the car. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Goodnight, Luz." She said softly, her voice hardly above a whisper. </p>
<p>She hung up the phone, and proceeded to accidentally pass out right there, in the driver seat of her car. </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>im on some sort of writing high so apologies for so many updates but I've already got up to chapter five roughly made</p>
<p>EDIT: I JUST REALIZED I PUT THE WRONG TIKTOK LINK IN OH MY GOD</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. don't forget (about me)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It was Luz's. <br/>She accepted the call, sleep drunken confusion causing her to make some sort of embarrassing, incoherent sound of greeting. <br/>"Amity?" Luz asked, and her voice was harsh in Amity's unadjusted ears.<br/>"Y-yeah?" She asked, sitting up and rubbing her temples. "Were you asleep?" Luz asked, and Amity uncontrollably noted that the other girl had purposefully made her voice softer. "Does it matter?" Amity asked, blinking away the sleep that made her vision blurry. Her room was lit up by sunlight that had somehow filtered through the blinds closed over her windows. <br/>"I guess not, I'm sorry." Luz almost sounded scared.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>mild trigger warning for mention of depression, mention of suicide and dissasociative state (along with mention of abuse but that's tagged y'all knew that coming in) </p>
<p>also if you guys hadn't noticed, this isnt necessarily based around romance yet! it's more of them just building up confidence in eachother and forming a trust bond, there will be more of a prominent romance later on I promise!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Amity was overwhelmed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Beyond </span>
  </em>
  <span>overwhelmed. She had been given no mercy when homework was handed out, and ended up with multiple essays, huge assignments and quizzes all due in the same week. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The same week. How did they expect her to do this? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She had been hunched over her laptop screen for at least six hours now, and her back was killing her. Hardly anything was coming out of her anymore, her motivation sapped dry. Anything would've been better than this, but her parents had cracked down on her for missing a due date by a few hours. She had been left no choice, as the only other option her parents had provided was to have her living accommodations taken and to be forced back into their custody. And that could </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>happen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her parents had set a tracker on her laptop, which would record how much time was spent in between it being open and closed. If the laptop remained untouched for more than thirty minutes while still open, it would alert Amity's father.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Out of the two of them, her mother had always been more drastic. Odalia had  taken to mentally manipulating Amity, guilting her and holding things above her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"We have to maintain the Blight family image, darling." </span>
  </em>
  <span>She would always say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her voice was like being repeatedly shot in the head. Always cold, unattached. Distant. Amity had only once heard her mother speak in a different tone, and it was when Amity had received her acceptance letter to the college that had claimed the last chunk of her free time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother's eyes had become soft as Amity held the letter, shaking with fear. Amity assumed her mother thought it was anticipation; but she had feared the letter would say she hadn't made it, because she was terrified of the repercussions of failure. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother had brushed her hair out of her face while she cried. It was a defeated sob, because Amity hated that she got accepted. She hated everything that led up to that moment, because it should've been spent rejoicing. But it had been spent in a silent moment of paralyzing fear, tears in her eyes, and not the good kind. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But now, she lay half awake, a dead stare remaining on the overly bright white laptop screen, at an empty Google doc. She could not, for the life of her, come up with anything. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What even was the subject that this was supposed to be on? Amity couldn't even remember anymore. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"It's too late for this," She muttered, as it was four a.m and Amity hadn't had a wink of sleep in over twenty four hours. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The laptop closed with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>clack, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Amity released a breath she'd been accidentally holding in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>However, god hated her. She couldn't fall asleep, suddenly becoming restless and hyper. Of course. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The girl whimpered, an incredibly defeated sound that made her sound absolutely pathetic. Loose strands of brown hair fell into her eyes, playing shadows across her vision. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity laid there for another hour, unmoving as she stared blankly at the ceiling. Her brain was empty of thought, emotionless. It was scary when she got to this state of mind, because it could result in her being reckless. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This is how she pictured her mother's brain to be; nothing but an inky black abyss. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sun was pulling up over the horizon, and grey streaks of light spilled through Amity's closed blinds. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If only she could sleep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She reached over onto her dresser, her hand blindly hitting against objects until she found the rattling bottle of medicine. There was a dangerously low amount of melatonin remaining at the bottom of the bottle, and Amity dumped them into the palm of her hand before popping them into her mouth without a second thought. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity wanted to cry. She wanted to have a breakdown and let it all out, but she couldn't. Couldn't do anything, except stare at the ceiling. Her parents had done this to her. Forced her into a depressive state that blocked out her strong emotions, leaving only way for regret. Guilt and regret. Longing, perhaps.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity didn't want to have to put up with it anymore, to put up with the torture that was her life. She had tried to end her life before, but her parents had always snaked their way into her head, reminding her that she was a failure. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That not even death could help her escape this constant hell.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, she fell into a state of aware sleep. She could still feel everything around her, still see her ceiling and the glow in the dark stars that lined the top of her bed frame. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A state of sleep where she could still watch as the sun shifted through the stages of sunrise, effortlessly pulling itself into the prime of the sky. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She remained like that for at least half the day, laying in her bed and consciously sleeping. This wasn't the type of fulfilling sleep, and she would still be tired agaain later, but it was better than getting no rest at all. After all, this was her only time to take a break. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she was finally ripped from this state, it was to the panic inducing sound of her phone buzzing erratically on her dresser. This sound always filled her with fear, as it was the sound she associated with getting yelled at for hours by her parents. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But, when she dreadfully grabbed her phone, it wasn't her parents caller I.D that followed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was Luz's. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She accepted the call, sleep drunken confusion causing her to make some sort of embarrassing, incoherent sound of greeting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Amity?" Luz asked, and her voice was harsh in Amity's unadjusted ears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Y-yeah?" She asked, sitting up and rubbing her temples. "Were you asleep?" Luz asked, and Amity uncontrollably noted that the other girl had purposefully made her voice softer. "Does it matter?" Amity asked, blinking away the sleep that made her vision blurry. Her room was lit up by sunlight that had somehow filtered through the blinds closed over her windows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I guess not, I'm sorry." Luz almost sounded scared. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Where are you?" Amity asked, after realizing she could hear cars </span>
  <em>
    <span>whooshing </span>
  </em>
  <span>and dogs barking in the distance. "I'm on a walk, and I-" Her voice cut off, and for a moment it almost sounded like the girl was… </span>
  <em>
    <span>crying? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity sat up straighter. "Luz, what's going on?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I was taking King out for a walk, and I.. He got out of his collar. I can't find him anywhere. I didn't know who else to call, I'm sorry. Willow is at her club and Gus is on a da-" Luz was talking fast, gasping for air as tears choked her voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Send me your location, I'll come help." Amity said, the sound of Luz's rushed voice had forced Amity out of her shell state. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"No, Amity, you don't ha-" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Luz. Location, </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>." Amity snapped, a little rougher than she meant to be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Amity pulled up, Luz was standing on a crosswalk, tears staining her cheeks and a defeated expression on her face. In her hands was King's collar, which was frayed in two, and a leash. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity rolled down her window. "Get in, loser." She said with a grin, and Luz wiped her cheeks, walking around the car to the passenger seat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He has a microchip, but without his collar he has no other form of identification." Luz explained, stifling a sob. Amity's heart ached. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I've never had a pet before, but that sure as hell doesn't mean I'm going to let King get away." Amity said sharply. Luz smiled weakly. "Thank you for this." She looked exhausted. "How long have you been looking for him?" Amity asked tentatively, and Luz shrugged. "I dunno. Like, three hours?" She guessed. Amity nodded, pulling into a parking lot. "We have better chances on foot," Amity explained upon noticing Luz's questioning gaze. Luz nodded. "Smart." She said, and Amity couldn't stop herself from snorting. The other girl giggled, and Amity had to do a double take. Since when did she feel comfortable around Luz? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p>
  <span>They had been searching everywhere for three hours, and the dog was still nowhere to be seen. Amity had a creeping suspicion that they </span>
  <em>
    <span>wouldn't </span>
  </em>
  <span>find the dog, but she didn't want to give up the hope that Luz was desperately clutching onto. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"We're going to find him," Amity told the other girl for the hundredth time. Luz nodded, though it was with less enthusiasm as usual. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, no. Look at me." Amity said, stopping in her tracks. Reluctantly, Luz turned towards her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow, has she always been this tall? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amity pushed the thought out, however she had never realized how much she had to crane her neck to meet the </span>
  <em>
    <span>much </span>
  </em>
  <span>taller girl's gaze. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Luz. Are we going to find him?" Amity snapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luz flushed, averting her hazel gaze. "I don't know." She said, and Amity shook her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Luz. Listen to me. Do you think we're going to find him?" Amity's voice was firm, radiating with careful confidence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luz returned her gaze. "Maybe?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not maybe. We are going to find him, whether it means we're out here past midnight." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity almost missed the smile that tugged at the corners of Luz's lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Almost. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, we're gonna find him." Luz said, her confidence returned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was easier than she expected it to be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They were, in fact, out past midnight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>King had vanished, and Luz had long since lost hope. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were at a park, miles away from where they had started. Luz was laying on the grass, Amity above her on a picnic bench table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dried tears stained the girls' face, her breath shaky and unstable. Amity's heart mourned for the broken girl. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How about I print posters? Gives you an excuse to send me more pictures of him?" Amity offered, and Luz nodded, her bottom lip quivering. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sat up, wiping her face on the sweatshirt she was wearing while fishing her phone from her pocket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a beat, Amity's phone began </span>
  <em>
    <span>blowing up. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:12 AM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Idiotic Child (</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>Luz Noceda) wrote: (74 attachments) </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dozens of pictures of a happy looking dog, most blurry and terrifying like a single blurred shot of the dogs entire mouth and flashing eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Amity had developed a soft spot for this dog, and she hadn't even met him yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luz stood up, stretching briefly before sitting down directly beside Amity, close enough that Amity could feel her warmth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Amity," Luz said, her voice teasing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah?" Amity asked, clicking in and out of images of the dog.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is my name… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Idiotic Child</span>
  </em>
  <span> in your phone?" Amity's eyes widened. "Oh shit-" She said quickly, turning her phone off in a hurry. "No. Definitely not." She rushed in an attempt to save herself. Luz held out her hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Proof?" She asked and Amity stood up, nodding. "Uh, yeah. Let me just-" She turned away from Luz and began running. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luz gave chase, laughing as she led them over obstacles and under the children's playset.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they hit an open field, Luz tackled her and they rolled downhill for a moment, before coming to a stop, Luz on top of her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity realized how </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong </span>
  </em>
  <span>this looked, and blushed a deep red, pushing Luz off of her with slightly too much force. Luz laughed as she rolled a few feet away, and Amity couldn't stop herself from laughing, too. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"So, tell me, what's my name in your phone, oh, holy one?" Amity said, taking a long sip of a drink they had bought from the 24-7 mart. Luz smiled at her, moving the silly straw she had insisted on having around in her mouth. She looked back down at the phone in her hand and then turned it over for Amity to see. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Greatest best friend. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity choked on her drink. Luz shrugged, her smile widening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I should probably get home, before my mami thinks I'm out doing doing drugs and alcohol." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity nodded. "Yeah, I bet my parents are pissed at me, and I don't even live with them." She agreed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sorry we didn't find King, but we could try again tomorrow? I'll print out flyers." Amity offered, and Luz nodded. "I'll bring the hot chocolate?" Luz said, before standing and stretching. "Hm. We're lost, aren't we?" Luz finally said, after looking around cluelessly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Looks like it, yep." Amity agreed solemnly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They eventually made it back to Amity's car, which was still untouched behind an abandoned strip mall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Want a ride home?" Amity asked, spinning her keys around her finger. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, please." Luz replied, glancing around at the dark, empty lot. The keys flew off Amity's finger and the pair laughed as she dove to pick them back up. She had grown so much more trusting towards the other girl, and maybe one day, she might consider Luz to be a friend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz climbed into the passenger seat, Amity in the drivers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh! I forgot to ask you, but do you remember calling me a few nights ago? My call logs claim I had a two hour long call with you at, like, midnight. But I have no memory of it," Luz shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity's fists whitened around the wheel of her car, a million thoughts running through her head, well thought-out lies spilling into the back of her head to defend herself if need be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, you called me in your sleep and I forgot you were there." Amity explained casually. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Only Half a lie.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luz nodded. "Sounds like something I would do." Her expression remained soft, but Amity could tell there was something on her mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thinking about King?" Amity asked, and Luz nodded. "Worried about him, he's never been outside for so long. Especially not without me or someone else in his trust circle." Amity wanted to try and comfort her, but she wasn't sure how. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was just her luck that she pulled into Luz's driveway moments later. Amity was watching the wheel as Luz opened the door, already tucking back inside of herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"'Am?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity looked up at the girl, meeting her gentle gaze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thank you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity smiled. "Of course."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. why not?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Let's have a sleepover, then." <br/>Amity blanked. "What?" <br/>"A sleepover. I can stay until the last minute. I don't have anything in the morning. Why not?" Luz sounded so sure of herself. </p><p>"Luz, we are not in the eighth grade. Sleepovers are above us." <br/>"Why? They don't have to be." <br/>"Where would you sleep? On my floor?" <br/>"Obviously."</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Amity had hardly gotten anything done that morning, too busy designing and printing out fliers for the lost dog. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>King was an adorable dog, from what Amity had studied in all of the images and videos Luz had sent her. After they had parted ways, Luz had sent at least another three messages containing over fifty attachments each. She had been tempted to ask Luz questions about her and King, but had chickened out after typing the message. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They hadn't set a meet-up time yet, and Amity's nerves were frayed through. She had never been nervous to see someone before, and while the feeling wasn't wholy pleasant, it also wasn't unwelcome. It was a good kind of nervousness, and she had to admit that she felt more peace in the moments she spent with Luz. But she would never say that out loud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She'd never, in a million years, have guessed she would find peace in the idea of hanging around someone that wasn't Bosca. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But this was a different kind of peace; not the content kind that she had settled for, the kind that still felt like she couldn't speak her mind. This was the kind she'd never felt before, new and exciting. It was a scary kind of comfort, like it was touch and go, and Amity realized that it was because Luz knew nothing about her. Amity was a quiet mystery to the girl. And she didn't mind that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hadn't realized she'd been daydreaming until her phone began buzzing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heart fluttered, assuming it was Luz. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, when she dashed over to the phone, it wasn't Luz. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her stomach </span>
  <em>
    <span>dropped. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her mother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" She said, already preparing to hold back the tears that threatened her eyes. She accepted the call, her hands like stone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had become almost muscle memory for her to shut down immediately, to mask her voice of emotion and control every body motion she had, including her breathing and keeping her almost erratic heartbeat under check. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Amity, dearest. I almost thought you wouldn't bother picking up," her mother's venomous voice erupted from the speakers unpleasantly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hello, mother." Amity said, her voice cut short and emotionless. If she showed emotion, her mother would notice and drill her over it. "I expect that you have heard the news?" Odalia said, her tone overly optimistic, making her sound almost giddy. It disgusted Amity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, mother. I have not, but I'm sure you're about to tell me." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your grandmother will be visiting us this weekend." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amity </span>
  <em>
    <span>froze. </span>
  </em>
  <span>If she had to choose her least favourite person on the entirety of planet Earth, it would be her grandmother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Exciting," Amity's voice cracked, and that erupted something inside her mother. "You're to tell me you don't want to see her? That you're not radiating with joy? You haven't seen the woman in fifteen goddamn years, Amity </span>
  <em>
    <span>Blight</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Or, even, at this point, you're not even a Blight. Disgrace hit you when your report card read that you got a </span>
  <em>
    <span>B. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Your grandmother is coming seventeen hours to see you and your siblings. I fully expect you to drop everything and come as soon as tomorrow to help prepare for her arrival. Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>feed me any shit like you're planning to, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Amity.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" She spat her name like it was a swear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amity's legs were shaking uncontrollably.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, mother." She bit her lip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good. Now, I'd like to discuss the disgusting amount of work you did, or rather, did not do yesterday," </span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity was sitting with her back pressed against the wall, her hands dug into fists in her hair. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, her eyes squeezed tightly shut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted to block everything out and become just like the shadows that shifted across her walls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her phone sang a song beside her thigh, notifying her of a new message. She unfurled her hands, the relief making her let go of a breath. There were blister marks decorating her palms from where her fingernails had dug too deeply into the tender skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed her phone, her hands shaking and vision far too blurred from tears to read the messages right away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She swiped at her eyes, the text coming into clearer view. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(5:23 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Idiotic Child </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>(Luz Noceda) wrote: </span>
  </em>
  <span>are you picking me up or are we meeting up sohemewhere or am I picking you up? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(5:27 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Amity </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote:</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>what the fuck is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>sohemewhere</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>5:27 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Idiotic Child (</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>Luz Noceda) wrote: </span>
  </em>
  <span>stfu i tpye too fast to care </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>5:28 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Amity </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I'll pick you up, I already have your address</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(5:28 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Idiotic Child (</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>Luz Noceda) wrote: </span>
  </em>
  <span>how do you have my ardess </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(5:29 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Amity </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote:</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Luz, I had to drop you off at your house last night</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This girl really had no brain cells. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(5:30 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Idiotic Child (</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>Luz Noceda) wrote: </span>
  </em>
  <span>ok in my defense i forgot sbout rhat </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(5:31 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Amity </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>im on my way just be ready idiot</span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luz was outside, sitting criss-cross on the grass. She was far too occupied with her bracelets to notice when Amity pulled up, which is why she took this as a chance to mess with the girl.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity rolled the passenger window down, a stroke of confidence overcoming her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello, so sexy, let me offer you a ride, baby." She said, lowering her voice into a mockingly manly tone. Luz </span>
  <em>
    <span>jumped,</span>
  </em>
  <span> her gaze shooting over to Amity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then she </span>
  <em>
    <span>blushed. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"Oh, fuck you." The girl said, shaking her head. Amity grinned innocently. Luz walked over to the car, popping open the door and tossing her backpack in, before awkwardly standing in the opening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you getting in, or am I taking your backpack out to put up fliers?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luz smiled, climbing in. "Sorry. Just sorta.. Analyzing?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amity pulled out of the driveway, and the rest of the drive was spent in an almost awkward silence. When Amity parked, Luz practically flew out of her car. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What is wrong with her? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amity shrugged off her questions, choosing instead to climb out and grab the stack of papers from the bag, along with two staple guns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are we splitting up or..?" Amity asked, handing Luz a bundle of papers and one of the guns. "Why would we split up? Are you tryna get out of hanging out with me?" Luz jokes, narrowing her eyes in mock suspicion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course not," Amity said casually, "We would just cover more ground in separate directions." Luz looked at her shoes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Amity, I wanna learn more about you. What better time to do so then while searching for my dog?" Luz said, and Amity could hear the hint of pain hidden behind the words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity backed down, smiling at Luz. "Okay, idiot." The kid rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had been hanging up posters for about an hour when Luz finally asked a damning question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, what are your parents like?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amity faltered, almost tripping over her feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"W-what?" She stuttered. Luz cocked her head. "Your parents. I've been telling you about mine for the past thirty minutes, your turn." Luz pushed. Amity shook her head. "They're fine." Her voice sounded so fake, so forced into a casual tone. But Luz didn't seem to notice. "Do you not want to tell me about them?" Luz asked innocently, and Amity stopped walking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I said they're fine." She snapped, her voice harsh. But she didn't care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luz flinched, pulling away. "I'm sorry." The girl whispered, and Amity tried to stop herself, but she melted. "Don't be." She tried to mimic the same unattached tone, but her voice was filled with quiet emotion. What was this girl </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing </span>
  </em>
  <span>to her? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walked in silence for a long time after that, stopping occasionally to staple pages against light poles or community bulletin boards. Amity felt bad for snapping at the girl almost immediately, and the feeling was only amplified when Luz stopped acting like herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity wanted to apologize, she really did. But she couldn't muster it up, the voice of her parents hitting her every time she opened her mouth to let the words escape. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Never apologize, darling. In order to remain superior above all else, you mustn't let little things like apologies to wear you down. After all, nobody deserves an apology from a Blight." </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Luz, I need to sit down." Amity said quietly, suddenly becoming </span>
  <em>
    <span>dangerously </span>
  </em>
  <span>lightheaded. Luz must've seen the colour drain from her face and how lost her ability to properly hold her balance, because she agreed and then proceeded to wrap her </span>
  <em>
    <span>arm</span>
  </em>
  <span> around Amity's shoulders and guide her to a bench. Amity was only slightly </span>
  <em>
    <span>(slightly? no, majorly) </span>
  </em>
  <span>panicking from the touch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why is your face red? Do you need me to get you a drink? I brought chocolate milk!" Amity couldn't just </span>
  <em>
    <span>explain </span>
  </em>
  <span>why her face was red, so she silently accepted the chocolate milk. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated </span>
  </em>
  <span>chocolate milk. Drinking it was agony, but Luz was studying her and she didn't want to complain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thanks," she said, her voice betraying her disgust. Luz smiled. "You look like I just forced you to eat a dead rat." Luz teased, and Amity blushed. Well, that was new. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I </span>
  <em>
    <span>despise </span>
  </em>
  <span>chocolate milk." She admitted with a giggle, and Luz laughed. "Then why'd you take it, dummy?" She said and Amity shrugged. "I honestly have no idea, I've never felt more disgust in my life." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The girls laughed together for another moment, and Amity's heart beat just a little faster than it should've. </span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So," Luz said, almost shyly. Amity glanced up from the paper she was stapling to a telephone pole. "Same time tomorrow?" The girl said awkwardly. Amity froze, almost pushing a staple directly into her palm. Luz noticed and took quick action to push the staple gun clear from Amity's body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity's cheeks flushed, embarrassed. "I wish I could." She admitted quietly, before her gaze shot back to to Luz. "I mean- uh, I can't tomorrow." She said, trying to right herself. Luz cocked her head. "Oh, why?" She said, and Amity heard how disappointed the girl was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Family thing." She replied, trying to keep her cool. Luz nodded, shrugging. "When do you think we'll see each other again?" The girl asked innocently, staring down at her shoes. "I don't know, Luz. I told you, when we first met, I'm a really busy person. The past two days have been a fantastic break from my chaotic life, but its come crashing back and," Amity realized she'd been talking too long and she blushed, shaking her head. "Oh, I've been talking too much. Anyway, I don't know when or how we'll see eachother again, but I'll try to make it soon?" Amity offered, and Luz met her stare. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>looked at Luz, for the first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl had such a gentle stare, non threatening and innocent. Fluffy hair fell into her face, and it looked so soft it took everything in Amity to restrain herself from touching it. The girl was attractive, in all the right ways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Amity wasn't a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lesbian. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She couldn't be. She'd had boyfriends before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But they always felt so wrong. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I- uh, I should probably go home. Big day tomorrow." Amity said, her face hot. She felt like she probably looked like a tomato. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luz smiled, and Amity returned the friendly gesture. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Because that's all it is. Friendly. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I think we've put up over a hundred fliers today, all over town. We're bound to get a call, right?" Luz asked, and she sounded anxious. "We're gonna get a call, Luz." Amity confirmed. Luz ran a hand through her hair, nodding with little confidence. "Yeah. I miss him, is all." Luz explained as they started walking back the way they came.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know. We're gonna find him, if it's the last thing I do. How abou-" And then she realized she couldn't say </span>
  <em>
    <span>"How about we check shelters tomorrow?" </span>
  </em>
  <span>because she couldn't be there tomorrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Nevermind," Amity finished lamely. Luz looked at her, and she pretended not to notice. Until Luz </span>
  <em>
    <span>kept </span>
  </em>
  <span>looking at her. She looked up and met the calm gaze, and Luz quickly looked away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, so we're playing that game? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amity smiled at the thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>They reached the car in record time, and at some point, Luz had taken Amity's hand. And Amity didnt care to stop her. If anything, Amity was disappointed when Luz dropped her hand to break away to the passenger side of the car. "Home?" Amity asked, slipping behind the wheel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Wait, one second." Luz said, quickly fishing her phone from her pocket. She checked the time and then set the device down on her lap. "Can we go to Sonic?" Luz asked, smiling like a schoolkid. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sonic?" Amity questioned. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Isn't that the name of the little speedy blue hedgehog? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Luz gasped like Amity had just hurt her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Give me your phone." Luz demanded, and confused, Amity unlocked it and handed it to the girl. Luz typed something into Google maps, before handing it back to Amity. "Drive us if you wanna get cheap milkshakes." Luz said, though it appeared as if Amity didn't have a choice in the matter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they arrived, Amity had no idea how the place worked. She had never ordered takeout before, especially not from a cheap place like this. But Luz was enthusiastic that she give it a try, and she couldn't possibly say no to the pouting girl who was perched in her passenger seat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luz ended up having to place the order for them, because Amity had no idea how. Amity had blanked when Luz asked her for her favourite icecream flavor, so she just spat out vanilla. Now, Amity hated vanilla. What was up with her and eating things she despised tonight? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luz somehow snaked her way into getting Amity to drive them up to the mountains to enjoy their drinks, and now they were sitting on rocks in a small almost-clearing area. Moonlight seeped through the thick trees, leaving spikes of light dotted around them. Luz was in front of Amity, though her head was thrown back to stare up at the sky. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had switched drinks because Luz had claimed hers was disgusting. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Then why did you order it?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Because, I panicked." </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It worked in Amity's favour, as Luz had ordered strawberry, which was her favourite flavor. Luz had all but finished her drink, and had left it beside Amity to go play on the rocks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're gonna fall," Amity said halfheartedly, but Luz waved her off. "No, I know what I'm doing." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did not, in fact, know what she was doing. She tripped over her shoelaces and slipped off the side of the rock, falling about a foot before hitting against the forest floor. Amity laughed at her. "Why didn't you try to save me?" Luz said with a pout, but she melted into laughing with Amity.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I wish it could be like this all the time." Amity said quietly, and Luz looked at her. "Why can't it be?" "There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Noceda." Amity said, cocking an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Then why don't you tell me, Blight?" Amity tensed up. She knew, logically, that Luz was trying to be a smartass. But the name </span>
  <em>
    <span>Blight </span>
  </em>
  <span>sent chills down her spine, because it's what her mother would use against her when fight broke loose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I have college. And family, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow, </span>
  </em>
  <span>other friends." That was the first time she'd called Luz a friend. Luz pouted. "College is boring, family will always be there, other friends aren't as important as </span>
  <em>
    <span>me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Luz finished her sentence by giving Amity a teasing stare. Amity laughed. "No, Luz. This feeling, its temporary. I wish it weren't, but I've got a life to return to in the morning. I don't want to, but I have to." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luz stared at her for a long moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Let's have a sleepover, then." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amity blanked. "What?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A sleepover. I can stay until the last minute. I don't have anything in the morning. Why not?" Luz sounded so sure of herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Luz, we are not in the eighth grade. Sleepovers are above us." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why? They don't have to be." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where would you sleep? On my floor?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Obviously." "Luz, no." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay," Luz finally said, disappointment filling her words. Amity just shrugged. "Maybe next time?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'll hold you to that, Amity Blight." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of her full name coming from Luz's mouth sent a chill down her spine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I hope you do, Luz Noceda." Amity responded with a hidden smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity dropped her off back at home about an hour later, and most of it was spent in silence. The silence was more comfortable, now. As if they'd said all they wanted to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luz had tried convincing Amity to let her come over for a few minutes longer, but gave up when they pulled into her driveway. They'd exchanged farewells, and Amity set off back to her apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her phone had been blown up with texts from Bosca, her parents, warnings from her siblings and overall, too much drama. Instead, she tossed her phone down on the counter and made herself spaghetti, for no reason other than it being a good way to occupy herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tonight had been good. So good, in fact, that Amity was able to finally fall asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Real sleep. Dreamless and peaceful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in months. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry for this one feeling so rushed! I just got so caught up in writing it that I sorta forgot that I post my work now,,,<br/>ALSO I know I haven't expressed it but all of your comments &amp; kudos mean SO much to me! I keep constantly refreshing my page to watch the kudos go up because I'm so starved for attention</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. how do they expect me to live (without you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They stood like that for much too long, the relief almost making her collapse. You never realize how much you need something until someone has their arms wrapped around you, huh? She bit her lip at the cold remark her brain shot at her. Maybe she should hug people more.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry for this update taking a little longer than usual! got caught up in homework and playing among us</p>
<p>also sorry this one is on the shorter side :(</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next morning was chaos. Amity wasn't sure how long she'd be staying, but she assumed it would be around a week. However, anytime she tried to pack something, she thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>"what if they don't agree with the style of this shirt?" </span>
  </em>
  <span>and had to start the whole process again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She'd been at this for at least an hour. She felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>sick. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her stomach was in knots, her head in flames. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity didn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to see her grandmother. Didn't want to see her mother, or father. The only thing she was looking forward to was seeing her siblings. They'd had a falling out about a year prior and had yet to fall back into steady communication, and Amity was lying if she tried to say she didn't miss them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They might be assholes, but they were still her siblings. Basically the only people she had clung to in her youth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Giving in, she plopped down on her crowded bed, surrounded by clothing and other random objects she'd thrown into a massive pile. It was uncomfortable, but she was too frustrated to care. Sighing, she lifted her phone up, checking her messages. Multiple from Bosca, random numbers, her mother </span>
  <em>
    <span>(she left that one on read) </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Skara. Nothing from Luz, surprisingly. She realized the girl was probably asleep. They'd been out til past midnight, fucking around town and the forest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(7:43 AM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Skara </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hey, Amity! I haven't heard from you in awhile and just thought I'd check up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>(7:58 AM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Amity </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>thanks for your concern! I've just been really overworked lately is all </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(8:01 AM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Skara </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She turned her phone off, a gentle smile teasing her lips. It always felt relieving to know she had people to turn to. Eventually, she sat up and examined the items scattered around her, her eyes lingering on certain objects, and a voice in the back of her head reminded her that she didn't need four hairbrushes. She had only ever used the one that still lay untouched on her desk. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is impossible</span>
  </em>
  <span> she snapped at herself, halfway driven to madness by the simple procedure that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>packing her damn clothes. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At some point, she had just decided </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck it </span>
  </em>
  <span>and threw everything violently into a bag. Amity had an inexplicable hatred towards inanimate objects, her temper like a burning fuse. After she found a moment of free time, she plopped down on the cool kitchen table, her legs dangling off the side as she replied to school emails and submitted last minute assignments she'd hastily completed the night before. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity vowed that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wouldn't </span>
  </em>
  <span>let today affect her. That it </span>
  <em>
    <span>wouldn't </span>
  </em>
  <span>get to her this time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the moment she put her hands on the steering wheel, she could feel her anxiety eating away at her brain. Doubts, fears and hatred boiled in her stomach, making her feel like she was either going to be sick or going to cry. She wasn't sure which she'd prefer. Maybe if she convinced her parents that she'd gotten some sort of flu, they wouldn't force her hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thought about it for a moment, but came to the conclusion that they would still insist on her company, even if she were to suddenly develop brain cancer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drive there was </span>
  <em>
    <span>agony. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amity had blasted music with the windows down and the wind whipping her hair around, but still nothing seemed to put her at ease. The drive was seven hours, and Amity decided to make a pit stop nearly five hours in. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just stopping for gas</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she had told herself, but in all honesty, she knew she'd end up staying longer than she'd bargained for. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She walked aimlessly through a gas stop / gift store cross, her thoughts muddled together in a mind shattering bubble. The air in the building tasted strange, like the atmosphere itself hadn't been cleaned since 1973. Amity slumped down into a booth inside the connected grimy fast food restaurant. Her gaze was occupied by her screen, her smile evident as she texted Luz. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They'd been texting back and forth for the last twenty minutes, and the knots in Amity's stomach had seemed to dissipate </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>just by talking with the bizarre girl. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(2:23 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Amity </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote:</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>you're an idiot </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(2:26 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Idiotic Child (</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>Luz Noceda) wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>but I'm YOUR idiot </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity grinned, licking her bottom lip. Caught up in texting the girl, she must've forgotten where she was, because the next thing she knew, someone was talking to her. "Hey, kid, you know if you don't order something, it's considered loitering and loitering is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>allowed." The person spoke like they'd had their nose broken a few too many times. They were pointing at a massive sign that read out a few rules, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no loitering </span>
  </em>
  <span>in bold at the top.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity rolled her eyes, standing and exiting the store, tucking her phone into her pocket as she pushed her way out of the glass entrance doors. The scent outside wasn't much different from the one that lingered indoors, though the more prominent smell of gas caused her nose to wrinkle in disgust. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone was blowing up against her thigh, messages from Luz coming in a frenzy. Shaking her head, a soft smile danced across her features as she sent Luz a hastily written text to explain why she'd be unreachable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(2:46 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Amity </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>sorry but I've gotta finish my massive drive</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I'll send you a message when I arrive </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(2:46 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Idiotic Child </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>whaaat why can't we just call? :(</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity thought about it for a minute, climbing into her vehicle as she typed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(2:48 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Amity </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>no music </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I'll fall asleep if I don't have music</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(2:48 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Idiotic Child </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I think that's just an excsue you're just too coward </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(2:50 PM) </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Amity </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wrote: </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>goodbye, luz</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The other girls' grammar was laughable, yet Amity realized that it was something that made Luz </span>
  <em>
    <span>Luz. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Traffic had picked up as she crept closer to the house that had so many unforgettable memories. Traumas she'd deny until the day she died. Lies she'd take to her grave. When it came into vision, her heart rate increased, her knuckles whitening around the wheel, panic flashing behind her eyelids as she pulled into the driveway. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Four vehicles littered the gravel road she parked on, including hers. Emira was leaning against a white pickup truck, a cigarette clutched in one hand, the other one cupped around a lighter. Emira could have easily passed as unphased, but Amity had been curled up in her arms late at night enough to know that the torture she endured affected the girl as much as it did Amity. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emira glanced up at Amity, and the cold, dead stare in them lifted. Just for a moment, but the moment was spent with both of them holding their breath. "Hey, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mittens.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Emira teased, and Amity shook her head, blushing. "Hey, 'Em." She greeted casually, pretending as if she wasn't having a series of intense panic and anxiety attacks as she slammed shut her door. Emira winced at the loud </span>
  <em>
    <span>bang </span>
  </em>
  <span>the door made when it clicked into place, and Amity watched her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The girl had cut her hair recently, shoulder length aquamarine hair that still managed to maintain full colour. Amity looked like a black sheep beside the accomplished business-like woman who stood before her in a suit. Amity approached and took the cigarette from Emira, taking a deep inhale of the nicotine. She hadn't smoked in a long ass time, so when she started coughing on the smoke, Emira laughed and teased her. It still felt relieving, like a short-lived high. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Edric must've heard the commotion, because the equally professional boy popped his head out from behind the front door. "Mittens!" He greeted cheerfully. He trotted from the porch down to where Amity awkwardly stood, wrapping her in a tight embrace. It was unexpected, but Amity still found herself almost instantly sinking into the comfort of his arms. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>They stood like that for </span><em><span>much </span></em><span>too</span> <span>long, the relief almost making her collapse. </span><em><span>You never realize how much you need something until someone has their arms wrapped around you, huh? </span></em><span>She bit her lip at the cold remark her brain shot at her. Maybe she should hug people more. But who would she even feel safe enough around? </span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She shrugged off the questions, pulling away from Edric. He looked at her with a look that said </span>
  <em>
    <span>"You too?"</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and she nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You ready?" Emira asked calmly, and Amity shook her head. "No, definitely not. But I've got to go in sometime." She sounded determined, like this was a boss battle in a video game. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And maybe it was, because she felt like she was about to miserably lose. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. butterflies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i dont know what section should go here so suffer without it</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"I could become a teenage runaway," Amity announced into the open room. Emira was perched at the edge of her bed, Edric leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest. "You wouldn't technically be a teenager </span>
  <em>
    <span>or </span>
  </em>
  <span>a runaway. You'd just be an adult that… Threw a fit and left." Edric replied coldly, and Amity shot a glare at him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She had hardly survived the day, unrelenting shit thrown at her for every second she spent </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathing. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They'd given no fucks; attacking her from all corners. Her posture, the way she carried her speech, her eyes darting around the room, how she would pause to analyze anything said to her. The twins had tried to cover for her, tried to back her up and take the hits. But they were flawless doves compared to Amity. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emira tapped her knee, pulling her from her daze. "We're losing you, again." Edric said, concern written across his features. Amity shook her head. "I'm okay. Just thinking." She explained, and her sister fell against her, her head landing in Amity's lap. Amity smiled, biting her lip as she let her own head fall against the bed frame. The same bed frame she's slept on her entire childhood. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gah, that brings back memories </span>
  </em>
  <span>she thought bitterly, her gaze lingering on a sticker that was halfway ripped off the top of the wooden slab. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I think they should get a dog." Edric broke the silence, his voice vibrant and full of emotion. It was rare she would hear him like this, only when he truly felt comfortable. Emira nodded, green hair pooling into Amity's lap. "What? So they could resort to animal abuse?" Amity snapped, cringing as the words escaped her lips. Emira looked at her with pity, and Edric slumped down the wall, sitting down in a pathetic position and cradling his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you think they're homophobic?" Emira asked after a beat of silence. "Yeah." Amity replied confidently. "Definitely." Edric agreed. "Why?" He asked, and Emira sat up, looking Edric dead in the eye. "You've literally met my girlfriend like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>seven </span>
  </em>
  <span>times, Edric." She deadpanned. Edric's eyes widened, before it was overcome with a look of determination. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Viney.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" He said wistfully. Emira laughed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"What about you, Mittens?" She asked, reaching over and ruining her hair. Brown strands broke free from the hairband Amity had clasped them into, obscuring her vision. "Don't call me that," she snapped, reaching up and pulling out the hair band entirely, her green hair flowing down to frame her face. The other girl just laughed. "I physically do not have the time to even think about romantic endeavors." She sighed. "Have you ever even thought about your sexuality? I know you had littlest mister perfect in highschool, but you never, and I mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> looked comfortable around him." Edric asked, though it was more of a demand, and Amity realized she'd become the center of attention. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh, uh. You do not get to ask me what my sexuality is when you've been so quiet, 'Ed." Amity snapped, and he blushed. "I've got nobody. Honestly, I fully agree with Mittens. Too much chaos, I feel like I'd drag them into deep shit." He responded quietly, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As if Luz knew Amity's thoughts had wandered back to her, her phone began buzzing on the nightstand. Emira dived for it before Amity had a standing chance, accepting the call almost immediately. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Amity! </span>
  </em>
  <span>You told me you would text me when you got there, but you didn't text me and I was scared you got into like, a wreck or something. Are you okay? Did you arrive in--" Luz was rambling, and while she could have listened to it for much longer, she had to cut the girl off. "Luz, I'm okay." Amity laughed. Emira wiggled her eyebrows. "Hello, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Luz.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" The way she said the girls' name sent a chill down Amity's spine. Like she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>flirting. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz stopped talking. "Oh, uh. Hi? Who is this?" Luz asked tentatively. "Amity's older, </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span> smarter sister." Luz was quiet for a second, and then chaos ensued. Luz started asking rapid questions, and Amity decided it was time to fight for her phone back. She dove for it, but Emira tossed it to Edric at the last second. Edric snatched it from the air and waved it around, and with a groan, the girl stood and walked over to him, latching onto it and prying it from his death grip. He laughed up at her, the same spark in his eyes that he had five years ago, back when he </span>
  <em>
    <span>tortured </span>
  </em>
  <span>her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Call ended. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. "I think I'm going to go to sleep. Today has been awful," Amity said after a long stretch of alarming silence. The twins both agreed incoherently, and after a few moments, they collected themselves and exited the room with a cry of old hinges. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Why was it that she felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>powerless</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Things had been moving around her, yet she felt like she couldn't grasp any of it. Frustrated, she fell into her bed and let out a loud groan. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her room smelled old and nostalgic. The faint smell of baby Amity. Memories lingering where they shouldn't, voices where she couldn't ignore them. It felt like the embodiment of agony, and she found herself cupping her hands over her ears and curling into a fetal position, her knees pulled up against her chest as she tried to block everything, no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her ringtone carried through the room, leaving a deafening silence in its wake. Tears blurring her vision, she lifted it. Luz was calling, again. She answered it, trying to calm her breathing. "Hey, Luz." Amity greeted, trying to act casual. Her voice broke, her words jumbled and shaken. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Amity? Oh my God, are you okay?" Luz said, sounding genuinely concerned. "Yeah. I'll be okay. What's up?" She responded, tears choking her voice. She sounded pathetic. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Felt </span>
  </em>
  <span>pathetic. Luz was quiet for a minute. "Am I supposed to ignore you crying?" She finally settled, her voice gentle and low, as if she was speaking a great secret. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, please?" Amity replied. "Okay. I won't tell. Do you want me to distract you?" Luz was so soft, melted and </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span>, as if she had nowhere else to be. "That'd be fantastic." </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"King is home, he was found wandering in someone's backyard and they thought he was a stray and they were gonna keep him, but they saw all the fliers plastered around town and they were like </span>
  <em>
    <span>ohhh we didn't mean to keep your dog!</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Amity giggled at Luz as she threw her voice a few pitches, the sound resembling more of a squeaky hinge. "He's okay now, though. Gave him a bath and got him a new collar. This one is blue and has a bow tie!" Luz announced excitedly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"That's great, Luz! Didn't I say you were gonna get the idiot back?" Luz shuffled around a bit before answering, the sound hurting Amity's ears. "Yeah, yeah. Shut up." Luz finally responded, and then there was the deafening sound of Luz placing her phone down on a hard surface. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity scooted up in her bed, clicking the phone off and setting it down on her desk, plugging the charger in and snuggling down in the sheets, tears staining her cheeks and making her eyes feel puffy. "Luz, do you have any of the Azura books?" She asked, her tone more calm and collected. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Duh</span>
  </em>
  <span>?! I have all of them. Except seven. I don't have seven." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There isn't a seventh book."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Exactly. That's why I don't have it." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can you…" Amity's voice trailed off. How does she explain that she wants Luz to read to her? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Read them?" Luz asked. "Y-yeah. The fifth, that one is my favourite." Amity could </span>
  <em>
    <span>hear </span>
  </em>
  <span>Luz's smile. "Absolutely." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity fell asleep to the sound of Luz gently reading, the sound of her acting out each scenario and throwing her voice, making sound effects and throwing her hands around. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She dreamt of warm smiles, brown eyes and holding hands. Of whispers and tears; silent vows that said </span>
  <em>
    <span>"I'll keep your secret". </span>
  </em>
  <span>Of explosions and green haired witches. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she loved every </span>
  <em>
    <span>second </span>
  </em>
  <span>of the scenes that played across her eyelids. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was pretty sure that while she was still in the half asleep - half awake phase, Luz had stopped reading and was just talking to her. She wasn't sure what the girl was saying, just that it sounded like it was aimed at her. Only a few words slipped through the sleep cloak Amity had fallen under. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Goodnight, Blight. Please be…" </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she fell too far down to hear the rest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>apologies for this one taking a little longer than normal! I'm probably going to update every 2-3 days so bare with me</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. don't catch feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Shut up, Amity." She snapped at herself.<br/>"Ooh, why are we shutting up?" Luz asked, her interest peaked. Amity blushed. "N-no reason." She blurted, and Luz laughed. "Nerd." Amity teased.<br/>"Dork." Luz snapped back.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Amity was abruptly awoken the next morning to the overly cheerful sound of birds chirping and sunlight falling into the window she had forgotten to close, she still heard the soft, almost silent sound of Luz sleeping filtering through her phone speakers. It was a beyond tempting offer to just curl back up and sleep for twelve hours, but she had things necessary for the day. </p><p> </p><p>The great debate was to either hang up, or take Luz with her to run errands. Luz must've decided for her, because the girl stirred in her sleep, mumbling something about not wanting to wake up just quite yet. Then, she loudly woke herself up by rolling directly off the bed and onto, what Amity assumed to be, hard flooring. Luz groaned in discomfort, spitting something incomprehensible in Spanish, which now that Amity thinks about it, was <em> probably </em>a string of cusses. </p><p> </p><p>Amity tried to stifle her giggle, but failed. "Amity?" Luz asked, her voice <em> deep </em> and <em> stunning. </em>Amity's heart stopped functioning properly, and words a garbled jumble as she tried to piece together a coherent thought that wasn't just panic and attraction. She failed.</p><p> </p><p>"<em> Oh </em>?" Was all she managed to let escape. "Mmngh. Good morning," Luz said groggily, and Amity was still trying to overcome her paralysis. Luz's voice was still stuck in a state of sleep, rough and unused. And, apparently, Amity was addicted to the sound. </p><p>"I want to be asleep." The speakers crackled with her groan, and the sound of her presumably dropping back down onto her bed quickly followed her words. "Do you wanna hang up? I've got a lot of errands to run today." Amity asked, mock confidence reigning her voice, while her otherwise <em> lack </em>of confidence was making her hands tremble.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't <em> want </em> Luz to go. A strange feeling, something fuzzy in the pit of her stomach, the skip of her heart. <em> That's not very platonic, Amity </em> her head screamed at her. Heat rising to her cheeks, she felt like throwing her phone against a wall. </p><p>"Amity? Are you still there?" Luz asked, sounding much more awake. "Y-yeah." Amity stuttered, trying <em> (and failing) </em>at getting rid of the wave of thoughts regarding Luz. "Are you okay, Amity?" She sounded concerned. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm okay, Luz. Don't worry about me." Amity said with a forced smile. Luz didn't buy it. </p><p>"Amity, be honest with me." Amity had never heard Luz be firm, spit a demand. There was a long stretch of crackling silence as she debated if she should open up to Luz. </p><p>"I'm fine," she settled, and there was disappointment radiating from the other side of the phone. </p><p> </p><p>"You'll tell me when you're ready, okay?" The girl asked. "Okay." Amity agreed, her voice small and scared. </p><p>"Now, you bet your ass I wanna join you. A day of sitting in bed, listening to you drive. Exhilarating!" Luz joked, though there was some seriousness in her voice that led Amity to believe she truly wanted to attend. </p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>Luz ended up doing much more than just sit quietly in her bed. Amity struggled to find quietness as Luz just kept <em> talking </em>. Rambling about this, about that and there. She told Amity stories about her and her friends, about how she adopted King when he was a puppy, how she thought her mother had a secret lover, anything she happened to think about while Amity was driving. </p><p> </p><p>It was obviously no different when Amity was busy trying to mark off things on her list, though she sort of melted into the conversations. Laughing, teasing and sharing her own reckless stories. Luz almost made her forget that she was shopping for her grandmother's arrival. <em> Almost.  </em></p><p> </p><p>But the thoughts she'd usually carried couldn't slip past the constant <em> (pleasant) </em>sound of the other girl. Her once dark thoughts were replaced by ones that felt… Bright. If thoughts were a colour, hers would be pink. </p><p> </p><p>"What dessert should we make for the first night?" Amity asked casually, her mind obviously elsewhere. "Me and mamì are making sopaipillas tonight! I could scribble you a recipe?" Luz offered, and Amity paused. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm uncultured, what is a sopaipilla?" She cringed at the way she pronounced it. Luz giggled. "It's a fried dough dessert. Fantastic with cinnamon and powdered sugar, maybe whipped cream if we have the stuff to make that. If you make 'em, you'll probably do it wrong. I'll have to make them for you someday!" Luz exclaimed excitedly. </p><p> </p><p>"I look forward to it, dork." And then, get this, Amity <em> blushed. Again </em>. What was this? </p><p>"So what do you suggest for someone who's hardly ever dined on cultured food?" She asked, rubbing her palms over the handle of the cart she had been pushing around. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I could suggest a world of things, but I think I'm gonna save my recipes for something special."  Luz replied, and Amity could hear a hint of scheming behind the words. "I'm not going to ask any questions in fear of you talking about your idea for the next three hours, so instead, answer my damn question before I pick up an easy bake cake box." </p><p> </p><p>She <em> adored </em>the sound of Luz's laugh, the warming tones and quiet kindness hidden in the harmonies. It was like listening to music, and Amity wanted to play it on repeat. "No! Bake something for real. It's so much better when you measure out the perfect amount of flour and sugar and… Yeah! That. Bake a real cake." </p><p>She thought about it for a minute. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay, but I suck at baking. I'm just warning you now, if I get shit for this, I'm blaming you." <em> Giggles. </em>Her stomach flipped at the sound. </p><p>She hadn't felt this way before, and she obliviously blamed it on never having any real friends. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But this doesn't feel friendly.  </em>
</p><p>"Shut up, Amity." She snapped at herself. </p><p>"Ooh, why are we shutting up?" Luz asked, her interest peaked. Amity blushed. "N-no reason." She blurted, and Luz laughed. "Nerd." Amity teased. </p><p>"Dork." Luz snapped back. </p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>Amity must've forgotten Luz was on the phone, because she daringly stepped past the front door with her phone unmuted in her back pocket. "Amity." Her mother's voice sent a chill cascading down her spine. </p><p>"Mother." She greeted, her voice tight. "Did you get everything I requested?" Odalia glanced up from the newspaper she was reading. </p><p> </p><p>"Of course. It would be slacking to have not." She responded expertly. "Good. You're known to slack, judging by the wretched grades you get." </p><p>"Yes, mother." </p><p>"Your brother and sister are out. I expect you're to be waiting when your father gets home from work?" Her mother's voice was cold, dissociated. </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, mother." </p><p>"Don't anger me, Amity Blight. Go off to your bedroom. Stay out of my way." </p><p>"Yes, mother." Amity sounded drained. </p><p> </p><p>When Amity closed her door behind her, she released the breath she was holding, sinking down to the ground, her back against the door. Her hands were shaking. "Amity?" Luz's voice. Amity clinched.</p><p>"Shit." She muttered quietly. </p><p> </p><p>"Luz?" She winced. "Are you okay? Is that really how your mother is? I've been talking wonders about mine all day, God, I'm so sorry." Luz sounded like a ghost. Her voice faded, drained. Like she had been feeling the same pain that Amity felt. </p><p>"It's not always like that," she explained softly <em> (a lie.)  </em></p><p> </p><p>There was silence. Nothing was shared between them for at least half an hour. Neither of them moved, and Amity somehow found peace in the silence. </p><p>"Do they hurt you?" Luz broke the silence. Amity wished she hadn't. </p><p>"Not usually." She admitted, before realizing that that implied they'd hurt her before. "I mean- oh <em> fuck </em> , no. Luz, <em> no. </em> " But it was too late. Something inside Luz changed. She spat something <em> very </em>aggressive in Spanish. </p><p> </p><p>"Amity, that's not fair. It's not<em> fair. </em> " Luz pleaded. "Luz, it just slipped out. They don't hurt me." Amity sounded <em> broken.  </em></p><p>Shattered.  Her voice quivered, her words an obvious lie. "The crying?" "Luz, stop." She was about to cry. Again. Her emotions were everywhere. </p><p> </p><p>"I'd hold you if you were closer." Luz admitted confidently. "You can stay with me, 'Am." </p><p>"Luz, <em> stop. </em>" Her tone was masked by a sob. "You don't understand." </p><p>"Help me understand. Please, Amity." </p><p>Amity lost herself. There was nothing holding her anymore, the comfortable silence shattered. The bond she'd developed was so fragile; frail. It was breaking. </p><p> </p><p>"Please, stop." She tucked her head between her knees as tears streamed down her cheeks. "I'll drop everything. I'll come get you. Give me your location." </p><p>Amity clapped a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle the sound of her crying. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry." Amity whispered. It was the first time she'd apologized to <em> anyone.  </em></p><p> </p><p>And then, she hung up the phone. </p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>The twins walked in on her sobbing against the wall. They didn't ask questions, assuming it was their mother's doing. </p><p>She couldn't admit it was because she'd just shattered her only outside connection. </p><p> </p><p>"This week is awful." Amity said through gritted teeth, her legs trembling. "I know." Emira said, her chin on top of Amity's head. They were packed together on the floor, Edric with his head in Amity's lap, Emira with her chin against the smaller girls' head. </p><p> </p><p>"I just.. Don't feel like it anymore." A muffled sob followed her words. </p><p>"Sounds suicidal? Are you okay, Mittens?" Edric was soft. But she ached for the calming sound of Luz's voice. </p><p>Her phone was blowing up, but she'd silenced it. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't know." Amity admitted. </p><p>"That's okay. Do you need to talk?" Emira added to the conversation. </p><p>"It's not related, just.. Exhausted. Feel like shit. I <em> apologized. </em>" </p><p> </p><p>They were quiet. "To who?" Edric asked, cocking an eyebrow. </p><p>"Unrelated." She said again, dodging the question. "Damn, Mittens. Almost about to make us believe you're in some secret relationship." </p><p>She laughed. "No, it's not like that." She shook her head. </p><p> </p><p>"I hung up on her. I regret everything I've ever done. In my <em> entire </em>life." </p><p>"<em> Her </em>?" Emira mused. </p><p>"Shut the fuck up, Em. I'm serious." Amity warned. Emira cackled. </p><p>"Ah, I remember the defensive stage of being <em> deeply </em>closeted." Amity glared at her. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm not closeted. I'm not attracted to her, she's just a friend." <em> Lie, lie, lie. </em>Her head was about to be the death of her. </p><p>"Do you think mother would be upset if I took a walk?" </p><p> </p><p>"No, but she'll want you to be home within an hour." Edric leveled. </p><p>"Okay. I need to take a walk." She declared, fighting her way from the tangle of limbs. </p><p> </p><p>"Don't get kidnapped!" Emira teased as she exited the room. She purposefully left her phone on her nightstand. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this one feels so wrong but I have so many plans for after this chapter so please don't be angry yet<br/>anywho I love all of you<br/>your comments make me want to jump up and down and spin around with joy and I'm depressed so that is a rare occasion<br/>thank you all so much</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. hold me, and don't let go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"H-" She was cut off by Luz's arms wrapping around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Heat rose to her cheeks, and she felt like an idiot standing on the porch being awkwardly dwarfed by the other girl. But it felt fantastic. She closed her eyes, her own arms betraying her, her palms flattening against Luz's shoulder blades. She buried her face into the warmth that was the girl's collarbone, relief overcoming her.</p><p>She didn't let go for a long time, and Luz didn't either. She smelled like cinnamon and flour, a hint of lavender hidden in the fabric of her shirt. Luz lessened her hold, and Amity took that as a gentle reminder that they couldn't stand like that forever.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Amity was sitting on a bench, fixated on the grey December sky. This was the type of day she'd dreaded all year, and yet, she still found an unexpected comfort in the foggy landscape. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Memories of a warm diner, her laugh. Brown eyes, brown skin. Fingers laced together, rolling down a hill. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Giggles and blushing. She thought about Luz, and then she </span>
  <em>
    <span>thought </span>
  </em>
  <span>about Luz. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The way her mouth turned up into a smile when she thought nobody was looking, the way she would look at Amity when Amity wasn't paying attention, the blush that hinted at her cheeks everytime Amity called her a name. It was enchanting, the way the girl made her feel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She'd ruined everything when she hung up. But she </span>
  <em>
    <span>longed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to hear the brightness of her voice. It felt like she'd sunk into a black hole and the only escape was losing form. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity mumbled something under her breath before standing, shaking her head as she kicked a rock. The sun was starting to dip over the horizon. "Fuck!" She snapped harshly, turning and </span>
  <em>
    <span>running. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She'd missed her father's arrival. She had been so caught up in figuring out her feelings, which even by itself was against her parents, that she'd screwed herself. Alador was going to be beyond pissed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was panting from exertion when she came to a dead stop in the driveway. Alador's shiny black car was parked beside Amity's, blocking it into the driveway. She couldn't get away even if she tried.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A warning in her head screamed </span>
  <em>
    <span>don't go in</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Obviously, she ignored it. The longer she stayed out, the more at risk she was to be physically hurt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she entered through the front door, the silence was terrifying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alador was leaned against the wall in front of the door, a look of stone crossing his features. Amity bit her lip. "I meant to be home on time." She was already pleading. He didn't budge, didn't blink. Just watched her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No excuses." He warned her. "Explain." His voice was hard as rock, sharp as a blade, cutting through the small girl that stood, cowering in the doorway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I lost track of time." Her gaze shot to the twins, who stood in the foreground, Emira with a look of pity and anger, Edric with a knowing expression. He knew what was about to happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Were you not reminded when I would return?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn't muster up any words, just nodding her head. "Use your voice." He snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was." Her voice was trembling. "Amity, darling. You know I don't like to hurt you, right?" She gulped. "Yes, father." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know you inflict it on yourself? Do you understand that I come from a place of love when I reinforce our rules?" She wanted to scream in his face, tell him that </span>
  <em>
    <span>beating his fucking kids </span>
  </em>
  <span>wasn't affectionate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she didn't. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know, father." And then she braced herself for the worst. </span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silent tears streamed down her face, hot stinging red bruises decorating her arms and shoulders. Alador had finally left, and she had scurried up to her room, locking the door behind her. The twins were outside the door, trying to talk to her, coax her down from her panic attack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Please, go away." She said upon hearing the sound of Emira attempt at soothing her again. "Let us in, Mittens." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't want to be here." Amity closed her eyes, sucking in a sharp breath. Each inhale felt like being stabbed dozens of times.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hands uncontrollably shaking, she reached for her phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>12 Unread Messages From: </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Idiotic Child </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>(Luz Noceda) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She tapped on them, but didn't bother reading any, instead choosing to tap the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Call </span>
  </em>
  <span>button. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It rang a few times, and Amity realized that Luz was probably busy, but she frantically picked it up at the last second. "Amity!" The girl sounded relieved, until she heard Amity's pained sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Amity?" She asked, quieter now. Amity closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against the phone. "I'm so tired." She finally admitted after a few concerned beats. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Amity," Luz said softly. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Maldito infierno, </span>
  </em>
  <span>is there anything I can do?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Talk to me." She pleaded. "Okay, cariño." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luz began gently talking to Amity, and the sound of her voice calmed Amity's nerves almost instantly, calming her shaky breath and racing heart. She placed the phone face-down on her bed, the speaker just by her mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once she'd calmed down enough to trust her words, she did the unthinkable. "Can you… Come get me?" She asked timidly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luz was quiet for a moment. "Yeah, Amity. I can come get you." Luz replied confidently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Anything for my best friend." Luz added, and Amity's heart dropped against her will at the confession of them being </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>friends. </span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hastily packed everything into her bag and scribbled a handwritten note, setting it on her desk. The twins knew she was leaving by the time she'd grown the confidence to exit her room. The red marks had turned a terrifying shade of purple and black bruises. She'd invited them, but Emira declined, claiming she was going to go stay with her girlfriend, while Edric remained quiet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Edric, I'm not letting you stay." Amity scoffed, her tone implying that this was a drastic choice. "Don't worry about him. He's involuntarily staying with me." Emira teased. Edric huffed. "You're always like </span>
  <em>
    <span>ooh twins don't have to do </span>
  </em>
  <span>everything </span>
  <em>
    <span>together</span>
  </em>
  <span> and then force me to stay with you and your </span>
  <em>
    <span>girlfriend.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" He snapped, raising his voice mockingly for Emira. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luz arrived around three in the morning, and to Amity's dread, she exited the car and decided to march up to the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Amity flung the door open, a bit too aggressively, Luz's fist was raised up in a knocking motion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"H-" She was cut off by Luz's arms wrapping around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Heat rose to her cheeks, and she felt like an idiot standing on the porch being awkwardly dwarfed by the other girl. But it felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>fantastic</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She closed her eyes, her own arms betraying her, her palms flattening against Luz's shoulder blades. She buried her face into the warmth that was the girl's collarbone, relief overcoming her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn't let go for a long time, and Luz didn't either. She smelled like cinnamon and flour, a hint of lavender hidden in the fabric of her shirt. Luz lessened her hold, and Amity took that as a gentle reminder that they couldn't stand like that forever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thanks," Amity whispered, pulling away.  Her face felt hot. "I really needed that." She admitted, glancing at her shoes. "Me too, actually." Luz sounded just as quiet. "Ready to go?" She asked, her voice taking on a certain charm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah." Amity replied halfheartedly. She'd started to regret her decision to ask Luz to come to her rescue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"My poor car.." She said, glancing at it. It was still trapped in the driveway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll have my sister tow it for me. She's got a truck and a killer taste for getting in trouble." Amity laughed awkwardly, trying to clear the lasting tension between them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luz took her bag and tossed it into the backseat, before claiming the driver's seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amity walked around the car, dropping like dead weight into the passenger seat. Luz looked at her expectantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you going to tell me anything, or are you not comfortable yet?" She asked, cocking her head like a puppy. Amity shrugged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don't know, Luz." She could see Luz's eyes run up the marking on her arms. The girl bit her lip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>mierda</span>
  </em>
  <span>, que le hicieron a ella?" Luz said quietly, her voice angered. Her use of Spanish in such mannerisms made Amity wish she'd learned it instead of Latin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Just take me home, please?" She asked tenderly. "It's a really long drive home, Ami. Do you want to stop at a hotel for the night?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thought about it for a minute. This was probably Luz </span>
  <em>
    <span>telling </span>
  </em>
  <span>her that she wanted to go to a hotel, not truly a decision for her to actually decide. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay, Luz." She settled carefully. </span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Two beds, please." Amity said, exhaustion showing through her expression. The front clerk eyed them suspiciously. "Can I see some I.D, 'hon?" The lady said with a certain amount of rudeness in her short voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity shook her head, digging in her pocket for her wallet. Pulling it out, she slapped her I.D and platinum credit card down on the desk. The clerk looked beyond taken aback by the shiny silver, </span>
  <em>
    <span>expensive </span>
  </em>
  <span>plastic. "Is this good enough for your standards, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hon.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Amity mocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luz giggled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paid for the boarding, then struggled to get Luz up the stairs. The annoying child kept getting distracted by things, pointing at them and yelling </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Amity, look!", </span>
  </em>
  <span>always dashing away before Amity actually got the chance to </span>
  <em>
    <span>look. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they arrived in the room, Luz collapsed into one of the beds, letting out a loud groan. "My back is </span>
  <em>
    <span>killing </span>
  </em>
  <span>me." She complained. Amity rolled her eyes, setting her bag down at the edge of the opposite bed, dropping onto it and facing the ceiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thanks for getting me, Luz." She said, and she meant it. There was a shuffle, before Amity looked over to Luz standing directly beside her. Soft, warm fingers ran down the bruising on her arm. She wanted to pull away, but her body wouldn't let her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How far up does it go?" Luz asked tentatively. "Uhm." Amity gulped, heat blistering her cheeks. "My shoulder blades." She sounded </span>
  <em>
    <span>dumb. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Luz lifted her sleeve up, just slightly. "Can I see? My mamì is a nurse." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity made an </span>
  <em>
    <span>uhh </span>
  </em>
  <span>face, her heart racing so loud she would swear Luz could hear it. "S-sure." She sat up. What she didn't anticipate was Luz placing her hands on the hem of her shirt and </span>
  <em>
    <span>lifting. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She jumped away, confusion written over her expression. "What are you doing?" She snapped. "Looking at your shoulder, Amity." The girl responded, as if not catching the hint as to how embarrassed Amity felt. Luz approached again, and repeated the same motion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her thumbs brushed against the sensitive skin of Amity's stomach, sending a hard chill down her spine. Luz glanced at her, as if asking an unspoken question that read </span>
  <em>
    <span>"are you okay?"</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She nodded. Luz continued, slipping the material of the fabric up her ribcage and over her chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sitting there, watching Luz, her breathing labored, jaw slack. Luz balled her shirt up and tossed it aside, before climbing into the bed behind Amity. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This doesn't look or feel weird</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she lied to herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luz's hands flattened over her back and she let out a little shocked gasp, a tingling feeling moving down through to her fingertips. "Ami, are you uncomfortable?" Luz asked, oblivious as</span>
  <em>
    <span> hell. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"N-no." She said, too fast. Awkward energy batted around her head. When Luz considered her job done, she crawled away from the bed and dug around in her own bag, pulling out a first aid kit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Always prepared," she said, waving it in the air before climbing back onto the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sprayed something against the brunt of the bruising, before wrapping a cotton material around her shoulder and under her arm. She wrapped down to her elbow, before using a pin to close the wrap around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"There. Now people won't look at you with pity in their eyes!" Luz explained upon Amity's confused expression. "Oh. Thanks, dork." She teased. Luz grinned. </span>
</p><p> </p><ul>

</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was about another hour before Amity settled down for the night, however when she decided to finally curl up, memories of the night hit her brain in full gear. Pain shuddered down her arm as she applied soft pressure to it. Her father's yells, explaining how it was her fault. That she needed to learn to abide by rules. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had no control over the soft sobs that wracked her body. There was the sound of her bed creaking, her weight shifting. Strong arms wrapped around her chest and moved beneath her head, pulling her against a solid form. A hand curled into her hair, gently stroking the strands out of her face. Luz's head rested against her neck and shoulder, and she sunk into the girl behind her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wordlessly, Amity pulled the covers up over both of them, closing her eyes and comfortably shifting into a state of dreamless sleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luz was warm. She smelled incredible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amity was shirtless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luz's hands were all over Amity, and yet, she couldn't find a reason to hate it. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wow! affectionate chapter hidden under the trauma that is abusive parents! don't you all love me :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. maybe it's okay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I don't feel like adding one, you're gonna read the chapter either way</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Amity's eyes fluttered open the next morning, she was still wrapped in Luz's tight embrace. Sometime during the night she must've rolled over, however, as her arm was the only thing dividing their bodies. Her face was curled into the crook of Luz's neck, her hand pressed against the other girls' chest. Arms were draped over her waist and across her upper back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While debating if she should try to struggle free, she felt the girl shift closer, a cheek pressing against her hair. Luz's hand slid up her body, stopping beneath her arm and shifting their bodies closer together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity could see her face clearer now, and the girl was beginning to blink awake. Luz pulled back slightly, reaching up and rubbing her temple. Amity blushed, averting her gaze. But, for some reason, Luz put her arm back around Amity, holding her secure. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They were both wide awake, and Amity assumed both aware of the situation they appeared to be in, yet neither of them moved away. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Caldear</span>
  </em>
  <span>." Luz muttered against the top of Amity's head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know Spanish, nerd." Amity whispered, pressing her cheek against Luz's chest, attempting to hear her heartbeat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz pulled away, rolling onto her back and stretching with one arm, the other arm remaining scooped under Amity's body. Amity wanted to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>not yet</span>
  </em>
  <span> and </span>
  <em>
    <span>don't go, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but in the end, she decided to sit up. Pulling up the blankets to cover herself, she sat criss-cross, facing Luz, who lay with her arm still extended in an opening for Amity to curl back down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tempting, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she thought bitterly. Luz sighed, limply meeting the green haired girls' gaze. "Your hair is soft," she mumbled sleepily. Amity blushed, self consciously brushing stray strands of amber fluff from her eyes. Her dye had finally begun fully fading, muted mint mixed with deep brown roots. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity felt around the sheets before finding her shirt, the pain that ripped down her shoulders making her cry out in surprise. Luz shot up, defensive. "What's wrong?" She said, alerted, but Amity just waved her off. "I'm okay, just the bruises." Amity felt so awkward, sitting there under direct sight from the girl she may or may not be slowly falling harder for. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They were huddled at a breakfast table, Luz shoveling Cheerios into her gaping mouth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>4 Missed calls from: </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Mother </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity ignored the notification, turning her phone off and setting it down on the wooden table situated in front of her. Her body felt twisted, an uncomfortable feeling swelling in the pit of her stomach.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz eyed her with caution. "Are you okay?" She asked, cocking an eyebrow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm fine." Amity responded tightly. Luz scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Well, that's a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lie.</span>
  </em>
  <span> You forget I just held you all night, I like to think I know you better than that, Blight." Amity scoffed. "Don't pretend like we're best friends because I had a panic attack last night, Luz. Shit happens." </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why did she say that? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Luz shook her head. "Okay, but we </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>best friends. I decided that when I first met you, dingus." </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity looked at her with a serious expression, before dropping her head. Trying to talk to Luz was hopeless. "I need some air." Her lungs felt like they were filling with liquid, and she hadn't realized she'd been struggling to breathe for the past five minutes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Wait, I'll join you!" Luz said, scrambling up and snatching her bowl. Amity rolled her eyes, turning on her heel and walking out of the building. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz scurried after her, but she must've lost the girls' trail, as next thing she knew, she was hunched over in the parking lot of the hotel gasping for air, unaccompanied. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She squeezed shut her eyes, arms wrapped around her stomach trying to ease the pain that she felt shuddering through her body. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She heard lobby doors open and then a familiar voice say, "Amity? What's wrong?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nothing." She lied through her teeth. Luz knew, immediately. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't lie, you look like you're about to spit up blood. Let me see," Luz didn't touch Amity, thankfully. She did, however, look at Amity with some sort of expectant expression. "It's a stomachache, Luz. I can't exactly just let you look </span>
  <em>
    <span>inside </span>
  </em>
  <span>my stomach." She snapped. "Just feels like shit." </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Let's just go home," Amity setted dismissively, standing and ignoring the searing pain that rippled through her entire body. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They'd been driving in silence for the last four and a half hours, however, as anyone would expect, Luz </span>
  <em>
    <span>despised</span>
  </em>
  <span> the silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So, are you feeling any better?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity looked at her for a long second. "Absolutely not, but if I say it with enthusiasm it might trick myself into believing all is fine." </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz's knuckles flexed against the wheel she was gripping, and Amity shrunk back. Was Luz mad at her? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I'm not upset, darling. Just simply stating that you're to be punished for your actions," </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her father's voice.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Do you want to bring a bad reputation to the Blight family name? The very name we've worked so hard to build powerful expectations with? Selfish, Amity. Selfish." </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother's. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Hell, why can't you be like your siblings?" </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother had snapped. This was the first and one of the last times she'd stood up for herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"What? A mindless drone forced to do your bidding so society doesn't see you as what you are? Flawed. Mentally and physically. You abuse the hell out of your children and think it's okay, because somewhere down the line you stopped feeling emotion towards anything. You're an abusive, manipulative, conniving bitch, Odalia. I don't consider you to be my mother." </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was also the first time she'd felt such white hot fear. Terrified of what would happen for her lashing out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before her brain could remind her the horrible, horrible pain that was inflicted that night, a hand pressed against her thigh. She gasped out of whatever otherworldly daze she'd shot into, and concerned brown eyes greeted her. "I lost you for a second, Blight." Amity glanced down at the warm, dark hand clasped around her thigh and her breath caught in her chest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Heat rose to her cheeks and she pushed Luz off her. "Dazed out." Amity replied tightly. Luz cocked her eyebrow, shaking her head. "I hope you'll trust me one day, and I'm gonna work really hard to make that day soon."  The girl settled, confidence radiating from her tone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh yeah? How do you expect to do that?" Amity scoffed. She thought about it for a moment. "I don't know. Guess we'll find out together, huh? I'm sure if I'm persistent enough, you've no choice but to fall affectionately in love with me." Amity gasped, blushing profusely.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She's right, you know. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She wished she could turn her brain off. "Yeah, I don't think that's how logic works, but go for it." She shot back defensively, pretending her heart wasn't going to burst out of her chest. "Glad I have your permission, consent is key!" Luz said teasingly, gaze flicking over. And then, as if Amity's poor soul didn't matter, Luz </span>
  <em>
    <span>winked.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amity's eyes widened and she forced her attention elsewhere, her blushing </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>than obvious. Luz wasn't the type to catch obvious things, though. Amity bit her lip, glancing out the window at the landscape spinning past them. She recognized some of the buildings, scattered around here and there. She'd drove this same route at least a dozen times, and she wasn't surprised by the feeling of her hands clenching into fists. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Can I hang out with you at your place?" Luz asked, her voice innocent. She sounded like a child, asking her parents to sleep over at a friends' house. "Sure," she found herself replying before she could catch up with reality. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Wait, no. Yes, uh? No.. Yeah." She stuttered in an attempt to rescue herself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>awkwardly. Luz scrunched her face up. "What on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Earth </span>
  </em>
  <span>does that mean?" The girl asked, cocking an eyebrow. Amity giggled. "Sorry. My place is a mess, but if you really wanted to?" That sounded stronger, but her voice still wavered, uncertain. "I'm really tired." Luz admitted, releasing a sigh. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity nodded, her eyes struggling to find anything else to be occupied by. If she looked into Luz's gentle stare again, she was going to pull her hair out. She might as well start questioning her sexuality at this point. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No. Being a lesbian would just be one great, big round of </span>
  </em>
  <span>ruining everything. Why was it so hard for her head to wrap around the idea that being a lesbian would be the </span>
  <em>
    <span>worst </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing, in a long line of terrible things. She'd have no chance of ever taming her parents' hatred for her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Have you seen Luz? We both know how your heart races when she's too close. Oh! Look, it's doing it right now! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her heart did pick up, realizing that her elbow was pressed warmly against Luz's. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"What's wrong?" A voice broke through her thoughts. "Nothing, I'm okay." Amity blurted, trying to cover the fact that she was possibly falling for the girl who wouldn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop staring at her. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was probably muscle memory for Luz, but it was driving Amity out of her mind. The sunlight danced into Luz's eyes, showing the glint of spiraling shades of honey and ember. If Amity was the type of person to paint, this girl would be her muse. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ul>

</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her heart was pounding in her chest as they pulled into the lot of her apartment complex. Luz looked exhausted, and Amity felt awful for forcing her to drive for so long. "Am I still invited?" The girl joked, stretching with a yawn. Amity hated that she noticed Luz's shirt rise up over her stomach, exposing delicate brown skin. She averted her gaze quickly, licking her lower lip. "Of course, dork." She muttered, opening the passenger door and lifting herself out. Luz was quick to follow. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They pushed through the front door and Amity lingered in the hall, watching Luz with a mixture of anxiety and nervousness. Luz glanced down at her, cocking her head. "What's wrong? Am I doing something wrong?" She asked, and Amity shook her head. "No, no. I just.. Don't usually let people come over." She shrugged, and then grabbed Luz's wrist, guiding the girl to her bedroom. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was cleaner than she remembered it being, a few hair brushes scattering her bed being the only thing relatively out of place. Amity awkwardly dropped Luz's hand, collapsing into a sitting position on the ground. Luz crossed the room, opting instead to fall onto Amity's bed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity had never expected to see Luz on her bed, and her brain was crashing to catch up with the sight before her. Luz lifted something up off of Amity's bed and examined it. And then she gasped, as if recognizing the object in her hands. "We should have an Azura book club!" Luz exclaimed loudly, giddy with excitement. "An Azura book club?" Amity questioned. "Yeah! You know, like… Reading the books with each other and doing silly voices for the characters, then discussing them after we finish? I've constantly tried to convince Willow to have one with me, but she has no interest in the book series.." Luz pouted, before swiftly recovering and giving Amity the biggest puppy eyes she'd ever seen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She knew she was doomed when she met the stare. "Pretty please?" Luz asked, blinking excessively to try and put her begging across. Amity sighed, a defeated sound.  "Okay, Luz. Azura book club." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luz made a sound of triumph, pumping a fist in the air. "You're adorable." Amity laughed, before realizing she'd accidentally said that out loud. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, no fixing it now. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Luz didn't comment on her remark, too lost in her own world to understand the hidden meaning behind the words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz patted the bed beside her, as if motioning for Amity to come claim the spot. Unwillingly, she stood and plopped down beside Luz. "Your turn to read. From where I left off, the battle of Hectate and Azura." Luz explained, handing Amity the book, which was already opened to the page Luz was referring to. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz scooted up, pressing her back against the wall, and Amity joined, beginning to awkwardly read the script that scrawled across the page. There were notes written in pink ink on the top and bottom of the page, quotes she'd wrote and doodles she'd sketched while reading this same page for the fifth time. Some parts were highlighted in various shades of green, yellow and blue. She was a messy reader, though it'd never occurred to her before. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At some point, Luz had moved around so that her face was pressed into Amity's lap, cheek against her stomach. Her body was curled between Amity's legs, arms wrapped around her waist. It was a comfortable position, and she didn't mind the heat of the girl, the faint smell of sweat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even after Luz had fully fallen asleep, she continued to read. It was calming, peaceful even. The sound of her voice echoing faintly around the room as she unconsciously ran one hand back and forth through the other girls' soft hair, only stopping when she had to turn the page. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz slept for four hours, yet Amity remained in the same position, pressed underneath the heavy person. The girl scooted further up Amity, their arms tangling together as the girls' face pressed into Amity's neck. She set the book down, closing and proceeding to pull Luz into a tight embrace. It was only a few more minutes before she woke up, before Amity could notice. She was still holding the girl against her as if her life depended on it. "A-Amity, you're choking me." Luz gasped out and Amity jumped, releasing the girl immediately. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Sorry." Amity muttered, flushing. Luz sat up, still on her lap. And, </span>
  <em>
    <span>wowza, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she was close</span>
  <b>
    <em>. </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>Too close. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amity could make out every feature of the girls' face, from the obvious things, like the turn of a smile faintly hidden against her lips to the not so subtle things, such as the  freckle dotting the side of her nose, or her pupils dilating. Her gaze flicked back to the girls' lips, and she for a moment the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>kiss </span>
  </em>
  <span>hit her brain. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Realizing she'd been staring </span>
  <em>
    <span>way </span>
  </em>
  <span>too long at Luz's lips, with the girl well aware, Amity shoved her off her lap, watching as she recklessly tumbled over to the edge of the bed. With a look of utter betrayal and shock, she sat up. "What was that for?" Luz pouted, looking like a hurt puppy. "You look like an idiot." Amity scoffed, rolling her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"A betrayed idiot," Luz retorted bitterly, rubbing her arm as if Amity had harmed it somehow. They fell silent, watching eachother with quiet curiosity. She'd found herself looking at Luz a lot more, recently. More deeply than she did beforehand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're pretty," Luz said offhandedly, shrugging it off as if those very words hadn't stopped Amity's heart from beating. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her cheeks coloured, breathing increased as she somehow stuttered out a reply to the compliment, "W-what?" Her voice betrayed her, and she winced at how pathetic it carried out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luz cocked her head to the side, as if examining Amity closer. "I like the way your hair looks," she added, reaching over and messing with Amity's hair. She pulled the hair from its band, letting the green and brown locks drop down, the colour vibrant against Amity's light skin. Amity blushed, avoiding eye contact as Luz studied her. "Why do you keep your hair up? You look so nice with it down!" </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why was she saying these things? </span>
  </em>
  <span>"I- uh… It keeps it out of my face?" She said, though it was more like she was asking a question. The other girl smiled, shaking her head. "You're so humane." Luz teased, laying down in what appeared to be an incredibly uncomfortable position, her legs tucked beneath her and back curved down straight, close enough to rest her chin on Amity's thigh. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I can't tell if that's a compliment or an insult," Amity chuckled, cocking her eyebrow. "How does your body even bend that way?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As if she'd reminded the girl that pain was a thing that existed, Luz groaned loudly and, much like a worm, pushed her knees into the bed and shot across Amity's lap, her shirt tugging up to expose the warm brown skin of her back. She landed with her bare stomach pressed against both of Amity's legs, her arms beneath her and legs dangling over the edge of the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Better?" Amity asked, and Luz gravely shook her head. "Absolutely not, but I give up." The girls giggled. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity turned to check the clock. </span>
  <em>
    <span>6:23PM.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, Luz?" She asked casually. "Yeah?" The other girl responded, her attention nowhere near Amity. "What time do you have to be home?" She asked, genuinely curious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh, seven." Luz responded after a few distracted seconds. "Oh." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh?" "Luz, you bumbling idiot. The drive to your place is, like, twenty minutes. You gotta go." Amity said, pulling her legs out from under Luz. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh. Damn." The girl responded, sounding bummed. "Do you wanna come back with me?" </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Amity thought about it for a moment, but decided against it. She needed a minute to breathe, regain her composure. She shook her head solemnly, biting her lip. "Tempting, but I think I need a little while to cope. Gotta let this nasty bruise heal." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, Am?" "Yeah?" "Are you ever going to tell me how you got the bruise?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She fell silent, before shrugging her shoulders. "Maybe someday, Luz." </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay, I guess that's fair." The girl said, nodding her head. "I've gotta go now. But, my offer will still stand to come over even if it's four a.m and you're having an existential crisis. I'm here for you, Amity, don't forget about me." Luz said with a wink, shooting Amity an awkward gesture of two finger guns, sacrificing her balance and plummeting face first back into the bed. Amity laughed at her, licking her bottom lip.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Thanks, Luz."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Anything for you, Amity. I told you that we're best friends."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amity sighed, sounding a bit more defeated than she'd intended to. She wanted to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>than friends with Luz, but she knew it was wrong to crave that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Knew how greedy it sounded to say, how dangerous it was to let herself drift on those feelings. One wrong step and she might find herself falling in love with this dumbass of a kid, and that was a terrifying thought. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought you said you weren't gay</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You can be not gay and still catch feelings for a girl," Amity muttered to herself, hugging a pillow against her stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Huh?" Luz said, still situated at the end of Amity's bed, pulling her shoes on. Amity practically threw her pillow at Luz's head, shock and adrenaline convincing her that Luz was a threat. The girl made a sound of surprise as the pillow </span>
  <em>
    <span>thunked </span>
  </em>
  <span>against the back of her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Idiot! I thought you left." Amity justified herself, scowling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So you threw a </span>
  <em>
    <span>pillow </span>
  </em>
  <span>at me?!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then, as if on queue, they both burst into laughter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And, yeah. Maybe this would be okay. Maybe Amity would be okay, because Luz seemed to trick her brain into forgetting about everything that was crumbling around her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I apologize profusely for this chapter taking so long, I swear I meant to release it sooner but I kept forgetting </p>
<p>also! I would like to add that although I don't really know how to respond to all your comments, I read them all individually and I love all of you so much you don't understand how much it means to me when you guys take the time to write out super long comments expressing your adoration for this fic,,,, <br/>I can't remember the commenters name but you left a really long comment (I think on the last chapter I posted?) that quite literally made me tear up but I didn't know how to respond to it correctly because all I could think to do was confess my love for you which obviously did not feel appropriate </p>
<p>anyway, sorry for that little rant but yeah! I love you all so much :) <br/>expect another chapter hopefully soon as I'm trying to get back into the old schedule I had</p>
<p>(I also might be starting a new fic so keep your eyes out for that)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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